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Dan'l Borem poured half of his second cup of tea abstractedly into his lap. "Guess you've got suthin' on yer mind, Dan'l," said his sister. "Mor'n likely I've got suthin' on my pants," returned Dan'l with that exquisitely dry, though somewhat protracted humor which at once thrilled and bored his acquaintances. "But speakin' o' that hoss trade"
'A hundred and fifty dollars, sez he; 'but my fr'en' would ask YOU double that. 'Couldn't YOU and ME make a trade? sez I; 'I'll exchange ye that roan mare, that's worth two hundred, for this hoss and fifty dollars. With that he drew himself up, and sez he: 'Mr. Borem, sez he, 'I share my fr'en's opinion about hoss tradin', and I promised my mother I'd never swap hosses.
And this is how John Lummox came to offer himself as a clerk to Dan'l Borem. The ways of Providence are indeed strange, yet those of the novelist are only occasionally novel. John K. Lummox lived for a week at the Turkey Buzzard Hotel exclusively on doughnuts and innuendoes. He was informed by Mr.
Bigsby by Dan'l Borem in his own dialect. "Ez far as I kin see, it was like the Deacon's Sunday hoss trade, bein' all 'Ef it wassent. 'Ef ye wasn't Mrs. Wraggles, sez Lummox, sez he, 'I'd be tellin' ye how I've loved ye ever sence I first seed ye. Ef ye wasn't Mrs. Wraggles, I'd be squeezin' yer hand, sez he; 'ef ye wasn't Mrs.
Dan'l Borem rose, coughed, expectorated carefully at the usual spot in the fender, his general custom of indicating the conclusion of a subject or an interview, and said dryly: "I'm thar!" Having, as he felt, thus equipped himself for the hero of an American "Good Society" novel, he went on board a "liner," where there would naturally be susceptible young ladies.
Created snakes!" said Borem, concluding his account, which here is necessarily abbreviated, "ef he learnt all that in his two years in Europe I ain't sayin' anythin' more agin' eddication and furrin' travel after this! Why, the next day there was quite a run on the Bank jest to see HIM. He is makin' the bizness pop'lar." "Then ye think ye'll get along together?"
"I reckon we'll hitch hosses," said Dan'l, with a smile. A few weeks later, one evening, Dan'l Borem sat with his sister alone. John Lummox, who was now residing with them, was attending a social engagement. Mrs. Bigsby knew that Dan'l had something to communicate, but knew that he would do so in his own way. "Speakin' o' hoss trades," he began. "We WASN'T and we ain't goin' to," said Mrs.
Hitherto holding aloof from his neighbors in Old Folksville, he suddenly went to a social gathering, and distinguished himself as the principal and popular guest of the evening. As Dan'l Borem afterward told his sister: "He was one o' them Combination Minstrels and Variety Shows in one.
Borem, sez he, 'but that difference of fifty makes a hoss trade accordin' to my mind. It's agin' my principles to make such an agreement." "An' he was right, Dan'l," said Mrs. Bigsby approvingly. But Dan'l wiped his mouth again, leaving, however, a singular smile on it. "Well, ez I wanted that hoss, I jest thought and thought!
"Sakes alive, Dan'l!" broke in his sister; "what's all that got to do with your yarn 'bout the hoss trade?" "Everythin'," returned Dan'l. "'For, sez he, 'Mr. Borem, sez he, 'you're a quaint morril character. You've got protracted humor, sez he. 'You've bin an hour tellin' that yarn o' yours! Ef ye could spin it out to fill two chapters of a book yer fortune's made!
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