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''Umpage is a bachelor, or gives himself out for such, said his uncle, charitably. 'Then those young ladies are they residents here? 'Which young ladies? 'In his pew, said Mark, a little impatiently, 'the little girl with the long hair, and and the other one? 'You don't go to church to stare about you, do you?

You've done me a good turn by showing up 'Umpage as what I believe him to be what's the good of pretending you never meant it to me? You don't know how pleased you've made me. It's made a great difference in your prospects, young man, I can tell yer! 'So you told me at the "Cock," said Mark. 'I don't mean that way, this time.

I call it scandalous! there's no mistake about it; the 'air's not the same colour, and the Eastern robes hide it a bit; but he's there for all that. I don't relish seeing 'Umpage figurin' away in painted glass and a great gaudy turban every time I look up, he's quite aggravating enough in his pew. If I chose to go to the expense, I could put up a winder too, and 'ave myself done.

'It's all very well for you to laugh, he said to Mark, as they turned to go into the house again; 'but let me tell you if that hot-tempered old idiot goes and brings all this up at Petty Sessions, it may be an awkward affair for me. He's been a lawyer, has 'Umpage, and he'll do his worst. A pretty thing to 'ave my name in all the papers about 'ere as torturing a goose!

'See that gap? said Mr. Lightowler, pointing to a paling of which the lower half was torn away; 'that's where 'Umpage's blathering old gander gets through. I 'ate the sight of the beast, and I'd sooner 'ave a traction-engine running about my beds than him! I've spoke about it to 'Umpage till I'm tired, and I shall 'ave to take the law into my own hands soon, I know I shall.

You'll see a painted winder there which that 'Umpage got put up to his aunt that's his ostentation, that is. I don't believe he ever had an aunt; but I don't wish to judge him. Only you look at that window, and tell me how it strikes you afterwards. He's got the artist to do him as the Good Samaritan there!

'Yes, there is, though; there's 'Umpage himself and his friends looking across the fence at something! What does he want to go staring on to my land for like his confounded impudence!

Humpage, do you, uncle? said Trixie. ''Umpage and me are not friendly though contiguous, said he; 'but as for liking, I neither like nor dislike the man; we 'old no intercourse, beyond looking the other way in church and 'aving words across the fence when his fowls break through into my garden he won't have the hole seen to, so I shall get it done myself and send the bill in to him that's what I shall do.

'Umpage, there's been no worse poison given to it than some of my old Glenlivat, said Mr. Lightowler; 'and, let me tell you, it's not every man, let alone every gander, as gets the luck to taste that. It's welcome as the flowers in May to it, only don't blame me if your bird is laid up with a bad 'eadache by-and-by, not that there's an 'eadache in the whole cask.

'A judge might, and, any way, Uncle, it's deuced unpleasant for me. He was here abusing me all the afternoon when I never had any idea of putting the hot-headed old idiot into a book. It's too bad it really is! ''Umpage won't law me he's had enough of that. Don't you be afraid, and don't show yourself poor-spirited.