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"''Twud be a great combination, says I, 'We'd carry th' wa-ard be th' biggest majority iver heerd iv, I says. 'We wud so, says he. 'I'd be aldherman. 'Afther me, says I. ''Tis my turn first, I says. 'I don't know about that, says he. 'Now, says I, 'look here, Schwartzmeister, I says.
An' th' la-ad fr'm Canton thinks he can pick out th' Jack, an' sometimes he can an' sometimes he can't; but th' end iv it is th' Spanyard has him thrimmed down to his chest protector, an' he'll be goin' back to Canton in a blanket. Ye see it ain't his game. If it was pitchin' hor-rseshoes, 'twud be diff'rent. He cud bate Sagasta at that.
He thinks he's doin' a great sarvice to th' worruld collectin' all th' money in sight. It might remain in incompetint hands if he didn't get it. 'Twud be a shame to lave it where it'd be misthreated. But th' on'y throuble with Jawn is that he don't see how th' other fellow feels about it. As a father iv about thirty dollars I want to bring thim up mesilf in me own foolish way.
He was settin' on th' beach in a goold chair, surrounded be millyionaires, with th' prisident iv a bank fannin' him an' th' threeasurer iv a dimon' mine poorin' his dhrink; an', though he was feelin' well, they was something on his mind. 'What ails ye? ast Hanna. 'I was thinkin', says Mack, 'how pleasant 'twud be if me ol' frind Tom Reed was here, he says.
"It's the 'divvle' in me coming out, isn't it, Riley? That's what you told mamma Eleanor, and you ought to know." "Shure, I ought ter know, an' I do know." "I thought you did." Patricia smiled sweetly. "But if a person has the 'divvle' in him, it is much better to let it get out." "'Twud take more room than there is here ter let it all out iv ye," retorted the irate Riley.
''Twud be Paradise if he was here, he says, whin, lo an' behold, who shud come acrost th' dimon'-studded beach, wadin' through th' bank-notes that 'd been dropped be th' good farmers iv Shekel Island, but Tom Reed. "Well, sir, to see th' affection that those two great men showed at th' encounther 'd dhraw tears fr'm th' eyes iv a hear-rt iv sthone.
I cud say about a man: 'He was a hero in th' war with Spain, but how can I say: 'Shake hands with Bill Grady, wan iv th' ladin' casualties iv our late war? 'Twud be no more thin to say he was wan iv th' gallant men that voted f'r prisidint in 1896." "No, Hinnissy, people wants novelties in war. Th' war fashions iv 1898 is out iv style. They ar-re too full in th' waist an' too long in th' skirt.
"Ah," said Mr. Hennessy, the simple democrat. "It wud be all r-right if women'd do their own cookin'." "Well," said Mr. Dooley. "'Twud be a return to Jacksonyan simplicity, an' 'twud be a gr-reat thing f'r th' resthrant business." "It looks like war," said Mr. Hennessy, who had been glancing at the flaming head-lines of an evening paper over Mr. Dooley's shoulder. "It always does," said Mr.
Afther this sthroke 'twud be aisy f'r to get th' foorces iv Fr-rinch, Gatacre, Methoon, an' Winston Churchill together some afthernoon, invite th' inimy to a band concert, surround an' massacree thim. This adroit move cud be ixicuted if Roberts wud on'y make use iv th' ixicillint bus sarvice between Hokesmith an' Mikesmith.
Th' gallant boys iv th' navy was settin' out on th' deck, defindin' their counthry an' dhrawin' three ca-ards apiece, whin th' Spanish admiral con-cluded 'twud be better f'r him to be desthroyed on th' ragin' sea, him bein' a sailor, thin to have his fleet captured be cav'lry.
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