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Updated: May 28, 2025
Where's Seltsam?" "Seltsam Way, behind the theater." "Oh yeah. I forgot about that road. Well, we better get going." Julia picked up her keys. "Wait. You didn't see Cecil in there, did you?" "Not unless he got inside the cabinets." Julia went into the bedroom and looked around. She lifted the skirt of the bed and peered underneath. No cat. She looked in the closet.
"Well, forget Denny for a minute. I just need to know how to get to Seltsam. Is it an avenue? A street?" "How to get to Seltsam-ee Street!" Rhonda sang, her voice growing farther away. Just how wasted is she this time? Julia wondered. "Hello! Earth to Rhonda! Put the phone back to your ear, darling. Tell me where Seltsam is and I'll let you get back to... whatever it was you were doing."
"Look, I can barely follow physics when I can think straight which is not now so skip over that and just tell me where we go from here." Justin sighed. What good was discovering something important if no one wanted to hear about it? "There's only one thing we can do. We find Seltsam, whatever that is. That's probably where they're operating from.
"Oh yes," Betty replied confidently. "Thank God I'm getting old," Ritchie grunted. "Now, hon'," Betty admonished gently. "I only found one name in there that might help us at all. Any idea where Seltsam Street or Avenue or whatever it is might be?" "No idea. Are you sure it's a street and not a name of somebody?" "A couple pages referred to it as a meeting place.
"Oh!" Betty said. "Remember when they rezoned Doege? They put in Vine Avenue and the library and cut off Seltsam, remember? There were those town meetings about it oh my, that would have to be thirty years ago!" "That has been a while! I forgot all about that street. Tom, does any other business have access to Seltsam?" But Tom and Alona had already lost themselves again in each other's eyes.
So he settled on using his 'voice of authority': "Hey, Lovebirds!" The Lovebirds jumped slightly and turned toward the voice, as if unaware that anyone else had been in the room. "Any idea where Seltsam Street or Avenue or whatever it is might be?" "Seltsam? Sounds German," Alona said. "Seltsam Way?" Tom asked. "Could be," Ritchie said. "That's that cul de sac that ends up behind the theater."
Get him back," the Manager/Director replied. "It's not like you need a travel voucher." "No, we lost him," Denny said. "He's lying in Seltsam Way after falling from... a great height." The Director paused. "How did he get to a great height in the first place?" "He must have ignored the information on the second page," Denny said. "I sent him out of town to... to cool off.
He settled for just outside the theater's back door, in Seltsam Way. He closed his eyes in order to concentrate on the math, felt that peculiar sensation of vertigo, and felt a cool wind blow on his face. He opened his eyes to find himself hovering a thousand feet above Tranquil. His heart stopped beating as he began to fall, but began again, much to his relief as well as anguish.
I don't know what they're planning, but from what's written in here, it's big!" "Uncle Justin, you've stumbled on the secret of instant travel, you've gone half-way around the world in the last hour or so, and you don't have the first clue where Seltsam is. Is that what you're trying to tell me?" Justin grimaced. "Yeah. And with their freedom of movement, I'd say it could be anywhere on Earth."
Only it'll be worse than Tranquil. Worse than Wisconsin!" "Arkansas?!" Rhonda shouted with disgust. "What's so bad about I mean, yes, Arkansas! Right in the middle of... of Hindsville! In Madison county. A dry county!" "Oh God, no!" Rhonda wailed. "Uncle Justin has the clipboard all ready... On the count of three? One, two..." "Stop! You win! It's Seltsam Way, the street behind the theater!"
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