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Updated: May 16, 2025
"Here it is that we teach the youth of our great land scientific College Athletics in all their purity." "Don't you teach them anything else?" asked Dorothy. "Don't they get any reading, writing and 'rithmetic?" "Oh, yes; of course. They get all those, and more," returned the Professor. "But such things occupy little of their time.
"Don't you mind her, Miss Hildy," said Bubble; "they're fustrate stories, an' she tells 'em jest like p 'rithmetic. Go ahead, Pink! Tell the one about the princess what looked in the glass all the time." So Pink, in her low, sweet voice, told the story of Once upon a time there lived a princess who was so beautiful that it was a wonder to look at her.
"It comes naturally to him," said Dad, seeing me puzzled how to answer the question. "I suppose it must run in the blood, sir." "Humph, like my gout!" jerked out Sir Charles, sharply, as if he just then felt a twinge of his old complaint, and, turning to me again, he asked as abruptly, "D'ye think you can pass for cadet, youngster know your three R's readin', 'ritin' and 'rithmetic, eh?"
"This college," said Professor Wogglebug, complacently, "is a great success. Its educational value is undisputed, and we are turning out many great and valuable citizens every year." "But when do they study?" asked Dorothy. "Study?" said the Wogglebug, looking perplexed at the question. "Yes; when do they get their 'rithmetic, and jogerfy, and such things?"
Was it, then, because in 1878, reading aright the public mind, he said to his publishers, whose confidence in him was unbounded, 'It ain't "Mend-me-at-Home" the people want most, nor "Rapid 'Rithmetic," nor "Heal Thyself," nor "I meet the Emergency," nor the "Bouquet of Poetry and Song." What they want is all these in one. 'Abridged? said the publishers.
But de Cure catch him as he fall, and Mathurin say: 'De children let dem come to me dat I teach dem before I die. And all de children in de church dey come close to him, and he sit up and smile at dem, and he say: "'It is de class in 'rithmetic.
They were all supported by subscription, and a single teacher who was often a man or a woman incapable of teaching much, even if they imparted all they knew would have thirty or forty scholars, male and female, from the infant learning the A B C's up to the young lady of eighteen and the boy of twenty, studying the highest branches taught the three R's, "Reading, 'Riting, 'Rithmetic."
The soliloquy which he uttered on reaching his place of meditation will explain his perplexities. "That 'rithmetic do bother me, an' no mistake," he said, with a grave shake of the head at a lively lizard which was looking up in his face. "You see, history is easy. What I knows I knows an' can teach, an' what I don't know I let alone, an there's an end on't. There's no makin' a better o' that.
If his father set him ter hoein' pertaters, the little scamp would be found h'istin' up old rocks an' boards ter see the critters under 'em crawl." "Yes, but " Again the stranger was silenced. "And in school he did n't care nothing about 'rithmetic nor jography," interrupted Jared. "He was forever scarin' the teacher into fits bringin' in spiders an' caterpillars, an' asking questions about 'em."
His whole name is Norton Edwin Thomas, but he always signed his 'nitials on his 'rithmetic papers, and the boys took to calling him Nettie. It makes it all the worse 'cause he is a regular sissy boy. Have you got any children?" "No." "Well, I s'pose you will have some day, and if I was you, I'd name them something pretty, or else wait till they got big enough to choose for themselves.
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