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Updated: May 25, 2025
'Ah! groaned Mrs Pulchop, in a squeaky voice, sipping her hot water; 'you don't know, my dear, what it is to be aworrited by your liver tortures and inquisitions ain't in it, my love. Kitty said she was very sorry, and asked her if nothing would relieve her sufferings, but Mrs Pulchop shook her head triumphantly.
'Fine words don't butter no parsnips, retorted Mrs Pulchop, viciously; 'and if Pulchop weren't an Apoller, he had a kind heart. 'Spare me these domestic stories, please, said Vandeloup, coldly, 'they do not interest me in the least; since my "wife", with a sneer, 'has gone, I will leave your hospitable roof.
It was unlikely she would meet with any of the Pulchop family again, and she knew Mr Wopples would hold his tongue regarding his first meeting with her, so the only one who could reveal anything about her would be Vandeloup, and he would certainly be silent for his own sake, as she knew he valued the friendship of Madame Midas too much to lose it.
'I'll have to put a linseed poultice on it tonight, to draw the cold out. Then she groaned dismally, and her mother and sister, hearing the familiar sound, also groaned, so there was quite a chorus, and Kitty felt inclined to groan also, out of sympathy. 'M. Vandeloup is coming to dinner tonight, she said, timidly, to Mrs Pulchop.
'Ah, observed Mrs Pulchop, 'you're only a weak gal, and men is that obstinate they'd swaller bricks like ostriges sooner nor give in as it hurt 'em. You shall 'ave a nice dinner, Mrs Vanloops, tho' I can't deny but what it ull be bilious. Thus warned, Kitty retired into her own room and made herself nice for Gaston to look on when he came.
I don't want my appetite taken away; would you kindly see if the dinner is ready? Kitty dried her eyes and rang the bell, upon which Mrs Pulchop glided into the room, still wrapped in her heavy shawl. 'It ain't quite ready yet, sir, she said, in answer to Gaston's question; 'Topsy 'aving been bad with the toothache, which you can't expect people to cook dinners as is ill!
Topsy may go to the cemetery like her poor dear father, but never to an inquisition of a hospital; and with this Mrs Pulchop faded out of the room, for her peculiar mode of egress could hardly be called walking out. At last dinner made its appearance, and Kitty recovering her spirits, they had a very pleasant meal together, and then Gaston sat over his coffee with a cigarette, talking to Kitty.
I will send for all my property either today or to-morrow, and if you make out your account in the meantime, my messenger will pay it. Good day! and without another word Vandeloup walked slowly off down the path, leaving Mrs Pulchop speechless with indignation.
M. Vandeloup was a fly who was going straight into the webs of stockbroking spiders, but then he knew as much about this particular web as the spiders themselves. Full of his scheme to make money, Vandeloup started for town to see a broker first, however, having settled with Mrs Pulchop over Kitty's disappearance.
One day Vandeloup sent a telegram to Kitty saying he would be home to dinner, and as he always required something extra in the way of cooking, Kitty went to interview Mrs Pulchop on the subject. She found that lady wrapped up in a heavy shawl, turning herself into a tea-kettle by drinking hot water, the idea being, as she assured Kitty, to rouse up her liver.
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