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Updated: May 14, 2025
True fops help nature's work, and go to school, To file and finish God Almighty's fool: Yet none Sir Fopling, him, or him, can call, He's Knight o'th' Shire, and represents you all. But this industry, to avoid the imputation of personal satire, but served to heighten it; and the town soon found out originals to his characters.
An' this news brought 'em o' out o' their nooks in a fluster. Owd Isaac wur sit i'th parlour, havin' a glass wi' a chap that he'd bin sellin' a cowt to. Th' little lass went bouncin' into th' reawm to him; an' hoo said, 'Eh, father, th' new weshin'-machine's come'd! 'Well, well, said Isaac, pattin' her o'th yed; 'go thi ways an' tell thi mother. Aw'm no wesher.
Now cannot I sleep, but am as restless as a Merchant in stormy Weather, that has ventur'd all his Wealth in one Bottom. Woman is a leaky Vessel. if she should like the young Rogue now, and they should come to a right understanding why, then I am a Wittal that's all, and shall be put in Print at Snow-hill, with my Effigies o'th' top, like the sign of Cuckolds Haven.
Ay, ay, this Grievance ought to be redrest, Sir Feeble; the grave and sober part o'th' Nation are hereby ridicul'd, Ay, and cuckolded too for ought I know. L. Ful. Wise Men knowing this, should not expose their Infirmities, by marrying us young Wenches; who, without Instruction, find how we are impos'd upon. Enter Fiddles playing, Mr. Bearjest and Diana dancing; Bredwel, Noisey, &c. L. Ful.
Why, an old Knight, and Alderman here o'th' City, Sir Feeble Fainwou'd, a jolly old Fellow, whose Activity is all got into his Tongue, a very excellent Teazer; but neither Youth nor Beauty can grind his Dudgeon to an Edge. Bel. Fie, what Stuff's here! Gay. Very excellent Stuff, if you have but the Grace to improve it. Bel.
It may be you will say, you're Men of Sense; But Faith Were one of you o'th' Stage, and I i'th' Pit, He might be thought the Fop, and I the Wit. On equal Grounds you'll scarce know one from t'other; We are as like, as Brother is to Brother. To judge against me then wou'd be Ill-Nature, For Men are kind to those they're like in Feature.
Ay, ay, Madam, to the Comfort of many a hoping Coxcomb: but Lette, Rogue Lette thou wo't not make me free o'th' City a second time, wo't thou entice the Rogues with the Twire and the wanton Leer the amorous Simper that cries, come, kiss me then the pretty round Lips are pouted out he, Rogue, how I long to be at 'em! well, she shall never go to Church more, that she shall not. L. Ful.
An' then, at after that, he geet his arm broken; an' soon after he'd getten o'er that, he wur nearly brunt to deeath i' one o'th pits at Ratcliffe; an' aw haven't quite done yet, for, after that, he lee ill o'th rheumatic fayver sixteen week. That o' happen't i' two years' time. It's God's truth, maister. Mr Lea knows summat abeawt it an' he stons theer.
How shall I now divide my Gratitude, Between a Son, and one that has oblig'd me, Beyond the common duty of a Subject? Phil. Believe me, Sir, he merits all your Bounty, I only took example by his Actions; And all the part o'th' Victory which I gain'd, Was but deriv'd from him. King.
I give'em so much clay apiece to shift, and they can begin when they like, an' drop it th' same. Th' men seem satisfied wi' that arrangement, an' they done wonders, considerin' th' nature o'th job. There's many o'th men that come on to this moor are badly off for suitable things for their feet. I've had to give lots o' clogs away among'em.
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