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Updated: June 12, 2025
'Give me over that one-legged doll, and I'll "fix" her up, as the Yankees say. Hand her ladyship over. Alick Carnegy had one tender spot in his heart. Most of us have. And that in Alick was occupied by Queenie. He was passionately fond of the innocent-faced, round-eyed little sister, and he was always ready to mend her sick and damaged properties. 'That's poor Miss Muffet.
"She must have climbed into the cart when I left the town," he said; "but waken her, wife, and we will hear what she has to say." So the farmer's wife shook the girl by the arm, and Miss Muffet sat up in the cart and rubbed her eyes and wondered where she was. "How came you in my cart?" asked the farmer. "I caught on behind, and climbed in," answered the girl.
If she had been left to herself, Miss Muffet wouldn't have improved them at all, but would have left them in their natural state. "Christmas," said Mrs. Muffet in her most economical tone, "comes but once a year, so we must make it go as far as possible. The best way for a child to do that is to sit and meditate. You've no idea how long a holiday seems till you sit still and think about it.
And then he added, with a terrible frown and an expressive glance at the executioner, "And be sure, little girls, that your stories are interesting." Miss Muffet had hoped to have a long quiet talk with Haroun al Raschid and to ask him ever so many questions.
These four were very fat and one evening the children's father made a remark about this portrait that made their mother laugh delightedly. Benji was in his cot. Huggo had just come from his bath and was having his toes wiped by his mother because he declared Muffet had not dried them properly. He said Muffet groaned when she stooped. His mother said, "You know, Harry, Muffet is getting fat.
So Uncle Wiggily, who was quite worried, sort of waved his paw sideways at the spider, and twinkled his pink nose and said "Ahem!" which meant that the spider was to keep on crawling, and not go near Miss Muffet. Uncle Wiggily himself was not afraid of spiders. "Yes, Uncle Wiggily," went on little Miss Muffet, who had not yet seen the spider.
Colonel Cooper, the post commander, shook him by the hand and presented him to old Muffet, who was in a devil of a stew and glad of professional help, and then wired on ahead to the general commanding across the Missouri, or to his representatives at head-quarters, he being in the field.
I have thought of that myself, and have taken the trouble to ask several learned persons. They assure me that the most complete and satisfactory definition is, a tuffet is the kind of thing that Miss Muffet sat on. With this explanation I shall go on with my story.
And then he laughed to think of Giant Despair tumbling over in a fit when he caught sight of Miss Muffet. For though the shoemaker was a very kind man, he had no sympathy for giants. There were so many interesting things going on at the party that Miss Muffet almost forgot the Serious Symposium. When she did remember it, she was very much troubled.
Higher, higher, in a series of swift rushes, she mounted like the dream-woman in her dream. From solid cubes of darkness to grey landing-glimmers. To the third-story bedroom that had never been done up. In the company of Little Miss Muffet, the Four-and-Twenty Blackbirds, and Georgy Porgy, would he be lying, cold and ghastly, with a wound across his throat?
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