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Updated: June 20, 2025
Few of my relatives would have wished to own a broken-down one-legged old tar like me. I found a brother a lawyer, and a cousin a parson, and two or three other relations; but, from what I heard, I thought I should `get more kicks than ha'pence' if I troubled them, so I determined to 'bout ship and stand off again. I was, howsomdever, very nearly being found out.
But when I told the mate what a fix we was in his jaw dropped till his face was as long as one of Andy's hands. Howsomdever, he said he'd send the boat back fur as many men as it could bring over, an' see if they couldn't git up some of our stores.
"But, howsomdever, after a while in comes the Quaker and the officer with him, and the very first minute the officer seen me he says: "'I reckernize him as an old offender. "'No you don't! says I; 'I'm no old offender nor a young offender. I'm a perfeckly honest Baptist plumber, and I kin prove it, too. "'How kin you prove it? says the officer.
Susan, darlin', it's Jo Bumpus as would give all he has in the world, includin' his Sunday clo's, to be anchored alongside o' ye at that same farm! 'Sanfransko. I misdoubt the spellin' o' that word, Susan, dear; it seems to me raither short, as if ye'd docked off its tail. Howsomdever 'For John bumpuss' O Susan, Susan! if ye'd only remember the big B, and there ain't two esses.
Howsomdever, after a long trial, which lasted the whole day, a 'cute lawyer on my side found out that there was no proof that any body had been murdered, and that a man might lose his horse, his saddle, and his bridle, and his big coat, without being kilt: so that the judge ordered the jury to let me off for the murder.
"A little arter that I went to the cap'n an' I told him about Andy's idee, but he was down on it. `It's your vessel, an' not mine, says he, `an' if you want to try to git a dinner out of her I'll not stand in your way. But it's my 'pinion you'll just damage the ship, an' do nothin'. Howsomdever, I talked to the bat'ry man about it, an' he thought it could be done, an' not hurt the ship, nuther.
"Howsomdever, there was another man that had a kind of fancy for Bella Dougherty, although in my opinion he isn't fit to wipe her feet on, and his name is William Jones. "This yer William Jones used to come intruding around there in Mr. Muffitt's kitchen when he wasn't wanted and when he seen that me and Bella would rather be a-setting there by ourselves.
Howsomdever, there's one thing I'll take, and that is, good care you don't attempt to play us such a trick again. Here, Billy, hand me that coil of rope. We'll keep him out of harm for the present." Saying this, while True Blue stood by presenting a pistol at the prisoner's head, Paul proceeded to lash his arms and legs, and to secure him to one of the guns.
It wasn't so when young Belinda, who you took off the island of Antiggy, in the Ingies, jumped overboard, and I went after her in a heavy swell. Howsomdever, never mind, you shook hands with me then; and while a bushel of the briny was weeping out of the corner of each of your blinkers, you says, says you, " "Hold!" cried the admiral, "hold! I know what I said, Jack.
"When I clomb the hill agin, the bar wur still out on the parairy, an' I cud see that the blanket wur a-hanging around 'im. Howsomdever, he wur makin' off torst the hills, thinkin', maybe, he'd hed enuf o' my kumpny. "I wan't a-gwine to let 'im off so easy, for the skear he hed 'gin me; besides, he wur traillin' my Mackinaw along wi' 'im.
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