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Updated: June 16, 2025
Mr Bunker was enlivening the monotony of the polka by the judicious introduction of hornpipe steps, while the Baron, his coat-tails high above his head, shouted and stamped in his wild career. “Do stop for a minute, Baron,” gasped his fair partner. “Himmel, nein!” roared the Baron. “I haf gom here for to dance! Ha, Bonker, ha!”
It was the one kind of desire that the Baron never even tried to wrestle with. “My vriend Bonker,” said he, “is it not somevere about time for loncheon, eh?” “I should say it was precisely the hour.” “Ha, ha! zen, let us gom and eat. Himmel, zis sea is ze fellow to make von hungry!”
“Goot, goot!” he cried. “Ach, yah, zo.” “Am I right, sir, in supposing that, despite the perfection of your English accent, I cannot be fortunate enough to claim you as a countryman?” asked the stranger. He unburdened his heart with a rush. “You have ze right. I am Deutsch. I have gom to England zis day for to lairn and to amuse myself.
Philip examined his ugly visage and strong crooked fore-arm, as he was waiting admittance, having pounded upon the door. "Yait a bit. I'll shoost put on my trowsers," shouted a voice from the window, and the door was soon opened by the yawning landlord. "Morgen! Didn't hear d' drain oncet. Dem boys geeps me up zo spate. Gom right in." Philip was shown into a dirty bar-room.
“You vil vunder, Bonker,” he said, “how I did gom to know ze Lady Grillyer.” “I envied, certainly,” replied his friend, with a side glance at the now purring Countess. “She vas of my introdogtions, bot till after you vent out zis morning I did not lairn her name. Zen I said to myself, ‘Ze sun shines, Himmel is kind! Here now is ze fair Lady Grillyer—my introdogtion!’ and zo zat is how, you see.”
Gom, if I wudna pinch fifty 'osses to be fetched out o' clink by such a bonny lady, begging your ladyship's pardon." "She shall fetch you out," said I sourly, "when you're jailed for not stealing." "His honour's commands are a law unto his handmaiden," said Margaret demurely and icily, addressing him, but aiming point-blank at me.
"Ha, my head he is getting more clear!" he announced. "Gom, let us present ourselves to ze ladies, mine Bonker!" "It is necessary, Bonker you are sure?" "No Tulliwuddle has ever omitted the ceremony. If you shirked, I am assured on the very best authority that it would excite the gravest suspicions of your authenticity." Count Bunker spoke with an air of the most resolute conviction.
The Baron had taken a private suite of rooms on the first floor of the best hotel in St Egbert’s, and after a very substantial lunch Mr Bunker stretched himself on the luxurious sitting-room sofa and announced his intention of having a nap. “I shall go out,” said the Baron. “You vill not gom?”
"Jonnock!" said I. "You're a Stafford chap," she asserted. "I am," I agreed, "and I'll see you done well by." That settled her, and Donald was settled too, for his immediate wants were satisfied by a large glass of brandy, and those more remote by a bucket of water and a towel. "Gom!" said the virile little woman to me, "a wesh'll do him no harm.
“I am Mr Mandell-Essington, Baron.” The Baron looked at the other two in turn with wide-open eyes. Then he turned indignantly upon Welsh. “You were impostor zen, sare? You gom to my house and call yourself a gentleman, and impose upon me, and tell of your family and your estates. You, a low—er—er—vat you say?—a low cad! Bonker, I cannot sit at ze same table viz zese persons!” He rose as he spoke.
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