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Updated: May 10, 2025
So painfully important did Bimala make the mere actualities, that the truth remained concealed from me. That is why I find no gap in my misery, and spread this minute point of my emptiness over all the world. And so, for hours on this Autumn morning, the refrain has been humming in my ears: /* It is the month of August, and the sky breaks into a passionate rain; Alas, my house is empty. */
"But why, then, did you try to return the money?" "Let her come, at whose command I did so. In her presence I shall make a clean breast of it." "And who may 'she' be?" "My sister, the Chota Rani!" I sent for Bimala. She came hesitatingly, barefoot, with a white shawl over her head. I had never seen my Bimal like this before. She seemed to have wrapped herself in a morning light.
But I must free myself also from all fear of being misunderstood. Let even Bimala misunderstand me ... A number of Mahomedan preachers are being sent over from Dacca. The Mussulmans in my territory had come to have almost as much of an aversion to the killing of cows as the Hindus. But now cases of cow-killing are cropping up here and there.
That would be a grand place to inaugurate the worship of our goddess! Bimala waxed intensely enthusiastic. This was not the burning of foreign cloth or the people's granaries, so even Nikhil could have no objection so thought she. But I smiled inwardly. How little these two persons, who have been together, day and night, for nine whole years, know of each other!
I asked the messenger. "The Rani Mother." "The Bara Rani?" "No, sir, the Chota Rani Mother." The Chota Rani! It seemed a century since I had been sent for by her. I kept them all waiting there, and went off into the inner apartments. When I stepped into our room I had another shock of surprise to find Bimala there with a distinct suggestion of being dressed up.
I was vain enough to think that I had the power in me to bear the sight of truth in its awful nakedness. It was tempting Providence, but still I clung to my proud determination to come out victorious in the trial. Bimala had failed to understand me in one thing. She could not fully realize that I held as weakness all imposition of force. Only the weak dare not be just.
The ship will rock as it bears the crowd across the ocean, flying the pennant of Bande Mataram, and it will serve as the cradle to my power, as well as to my love. Bimala will see such a majestic vision of deliverance, that her bonds will slip from about her, without shame, without her even being aware of it.
Drag away from me all my gold and gems for your worship. I have no use for them!" Once before Bimala had offered up her ornaments. I am not usually in the habit of drawing lines, but I felt I had to draw the line there. I know why I feel this hesitation. It is for man to give ornaments to woman; to take them from her wounds his manliness. But I must forget myself. Am I taking them?
Ever since my arrival, Nikhil's sitting-room had become a thing amphibious half women's apartment, half men's: Bimala had access to it from the zenana, it was not barred to me from the outer side. If we had only gone slow, and made use of our privileges with some restraint, we might not have fallen foul of other people. But we went ahead so vehemently that we could not think of the consequences.
She stood still, without raising her eyes or uttering a word. "I know," I continued, "that if I insist on keeping you shackled my whole life will be reduced to nothing but an iron chain. What pleasure can that be to me?" She was still silent. "So," I concluded, "I tell you, truly, Bimala, you are free. Whatever I may or may not have been to you, I refuse to be your fetters."
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