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Updated: May 12, 2025
Mishka had not yet returned, and I told the landlord a pedler was coming to see me, and he was to be brought up to my room at once. As I closed the shutters I wondered if he would come, or if he'd give me the slip as he did in Westminster, but within half an hour Barzinsky brought him up. The landlord looked quite scared, his ear-locks were quivering with his agitation.
The one bright spot in the story of the Sudminster Sabbath is that the congregation of which the present esteemed Parnass is Solomon Barzinsky, Esq., J.P., managed to avert the threatened split, and that while in so many other orthodox synagogues the poor minister preaches on the Sabbath to empty benches, the Sudminster congregation still remains at the happy point of compromise acutely discovered by Simeon Samuels: of listening reverentially every Saturday morning to the unchanging principles of its minister-elect, the while its shops are engaged in supplying the wants of Christendom.
'I will not order, said Solomon Barzinsky excitedly. 'I did not come here to be insulted. 'Insulted! quoth Straumann. 'It's you that must apologize, you illiterate icthyosaurus! I appeal to the President. 'You have both insulted me, was that worthy's ruling. 'I give the word to Mr. Mendel. 'But from both the combatants simultaneously. 'Order, order! from a dozen throats.
'That's as plain as the nose on your face. 'You don't remember me from Shool? Mr. Barzinsky! I had the rolling-up of the Scroll the time you had the elevation of it. 'Ah, indeed. At these solemn moments I scarcely notice people. But I am very glad to find you patronizing my humble establishment. 'I don't want a barometer, said Solomon hurriedly.
'No, no, replied Mrs. Mendel reassuringly. 'I caught sight of her frying fish in the kitchen. This proof of her Jewishness passed unquestioned, and the new-born horror subsided. 'But in spite of the fish, said Mr. Mendel, 'she served in the shop while he was at synagogue. 'Yes, hissed Barzinsky; 'and in spite of the synagogue he served in the shop. A greater mockery was never known!
'But you keep your shop open! he cried at last. 'That would be still another point of clashing, admitted Simeon Samuels blandly. 'Altogether, you will see the inadvisability of my accepting office. 'Office! echoed Barzinsky, meeting the other's ironic fence with crude thwacks. 'Do you think a God-fearing congregation would offer office to a Sabbath-breaker?
But as the week went by he found Barzinsky was not the only man to egg him on to prophetic denunciation; the congregation at large treated him as responsible for the scandal, and if the seven marine-dealers were the bitterest, the pawnbrokers and the linen-drapers were none the less outraged. 'It is a profanation of the Name, they said unanimously, 'and such a bad example to our poor!
'And you caught an Englishman in Simeon Samuels, chuckled the Parnass, in whose breast the defeat of his candidate had never ceased to rankle. 'Not he. An Englishman plays fair, retorted Barzinsky. He seriously considered himself a Briton, regarding his naturalization papers as retrospective. 'We are just passing the Reverend Gabriel's house, he went on.
'He has paid it, and therefore if I were to expel him, as you suggest, he might go to Law. 'Law! retorted Solomon. 'Can't we prove he has broken the Law of Moses? 'And suppose? said the Parnass, picking up his cards placidly. 'He is right, Solomon, said Mrs. Barzinsky. 'We should become a laughing-stock among the heathen.
'Well, Solomon Barzinsky does, said the Parnass. 'Go to him instead, then, for I'm past soothing him. Choose! 'I'll go to Simeon Samuels, said the preacher gloomily. 'It is most kind of you to call, said Simeon Samuels as he wheeled the parlour armchair towards his reverend guest. 'My wife will be so sorry to have missed you. We have both been looking forward so much to your visit.
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