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'That young shaver! calls out old Abey, disgusted like. 'Why, 'e's as 'ard as nails. Wot's likely to 'appen to 'im? 'If you was to see the 'andling 'e gets when my mate is in 'is tantrums, I says to old Abey, 'you'd put your bit o' money on 'im cheerful an' willin'. 'Is Alfred Evans such a savage in 'is drink? says old Abey, quite surprised "
But ven I got done, dey vouldn't be nobody to make pictures, and somebody vould have to feed old Abey or maybe me and Maw could go back to carryin' pants in a push cart! If you tink I vouldn't like to see all de hungry fed, you got me wrong, Mr. Carpenter; but vot I learned is dis if you stop fer all de misery you see in de vorld about you, you vouldn't git novhere."
T-S: "I'll never do it no more!" Said the husband: "Y'allus say dat. Fergit it, Maw, you're all right now, you don't have to have your hair frizzed fer six mont's!" Said Mrs. T-S: "I gotta lie down. I'm dyin', Abey, I tell you. Lemme git on de sofa." Said the husband: "Now, Maw, we gotta git to dinner " "I can't eat no dinner." "Vot?" There was genuine alarm in the husband's voice.
The two sat silent for a while with the empty chairs around them, then Mr. Abey Lewis raised the megaphone with which he was directing and spoke to the stage. "Daughter," he instructed, "you ain't quite got the psychology of the part yet." Mary Burton came down toward the front of the stage, with her fore-arm raised across her face to shut off the glare of the "foots," as she listened. Mr.
Maybe you find some cheap skate feller vit some vild cat company vot promise you more; but he sells de picture and makes over de money to his vife's brudders, and den he goes bust, and vere you at den, hey? Mary Magna, here, she tell you, if you git a contract vit old Abey, it's shoost like you got libbidy bonds.
"Ssh, Abey, don't use such langwich, you should to be shamed of yourself!" It was Maw, guardian of the proprieties, who had been extracted from the car by the footman, and helped to the table. "Vell, Mr. Carpenter, he dunno vot dem fellers is like " "Sit down, Abey!" commanded the old lady. "Ve ain't ordered no stump speeches fer our dinner." We seated ourselves.
Ha, ha, ha!" "Cut it out, Abey," said Mary Magna. "This is a gentleman, and you must be decent. Mr. Carpenter, meet Mr. "Carpenter, eh? Vell, Mr. Carpenter, if I vas to make a picture vit you I gotta spend a million dollars on it you know you can't make no cheap skate picture fer a ting like dat, if you do you got a piece o' cheese.
Here's a judgment on their lives, what wouldn't listen to Old Abey an' put into the Popular Thrifty. Here's a waste of opportunity here's "
Vot's his address? And Lipsky, he says, says he, 'Dey tell me he stays in a place called Vestminster Abbey, in England. 'Vell, says I, 'send him a cablegram and find out vot he'll take fer an exclusive contract. So we sent a cablegram to Charles Dickens, Vestminster Abbey, England, and we didn't git no answer, and come to find out, de boys in de studios vas havin' a laugh on old Abey, because dis guy Dickens is some old time feller, and de Abbey is vere dey got his bones.
He came a few years ago from Ruthenia, or Rumelia, or Roumania one of those countries where the consonants are so greatly in excess of the vowels. If you are as rich as he, you call him Abey, which is easy; otherwise, you call him Mr. T-S, which he accepts as a part of his Americanization.
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