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Updated: June 4, 2025
'Ye wudden't have th' ol' woman wurrukin' in th' mills, she says. ''Twas all a joke, she says. 'Oh-ho, th' ol' woman! he says. 'Th' ol' woman! Well, that's a horse iv another color, he says.
"Mebbe 'twill tur-rn out th' way it did with two frinds iv mine. They was Joe Larkin an' a little r-red-headed man be th' name iv O'Brien, an' they wint out to th' picanic at Ogden's grove, where wanst a year Ireland's freed. They was a shell ma-an wurrukin' near th' fence, an' Larkin says, says he: 'He's aisy. Lave me have some money, an' we'll do him.
'Tis a sthrange thing whin we come to think iv it that th' less money a man gets f'r his wurruk, th' more nicissry it is to th' wurruld that he shud go on wurrukin'. Ye'er boss can go to Paris on a combination wedding an' divoorce thrip an' no wan bothers his head about him. But if ye shud go to Paris excuse me f'r laughin' mesilf black in th' face th' industhrees iv the counthry pines away.
'Tell us what is wanted ye'ersilf or call in a journeyman who's wurrukin' card is dated this cinchry, I says. 'An' I'm r-right too, Hinnissy." "Well," said Mr. Hennessy, slowly, "those ol' la-ads was level-headed." "Thrue f'r ye," said Mr. Dooley. "But undher th' new iliction laws ye can't vote th' cimitries." The NEGRO PROBLEM "What's goin' to happen to th' naygur?" asked Mr. Hennessy.
F'r th' good iv th' cause I knocked th' babby down, Jawn, an' I on'y wish th' Queen iv England 'r th' Prince iv Wales cud be injooced to smoke wan iv th' seegars. Ye might as well go again a Roman candle. Th' wan I got was made iv baled hay, an' 'twas rumored about th' pa-ark that Hinnissy was wurrukin' off his surplus stock iv bumbs on th' pathrites.
If he was a waiter, he'd be wurrukin' at th' thrade. Look at th' jaw iv him! It's like a paving block. "Does Fitz believe in di-plomacy? Not him. He sets there in his office in Havana, smokin' a good see-gar, an' a boy comes in an' tells him they've jugged an American citizen. He jams his hat down on his eyes, an' r-rushes over to where Gin'ral Blanco has his office.
"What's th' la-ad been doin'?" asked Mr. Dooley. "It ain't so much what he's doin'," Mr. Hennessy explained, "as what he ain't doin. He ain't stayin' home iv nights, an' he ain't wurrukin'; but he does be out on th' corner with th' Cromleys an' th' rest, dancin' jig steps an' whistlin' th' 'Rogue's March' whin a polisman goes by.
He meant be that, that if money was plenty enough f'r him to get some without wurrukin', he'd open a gin mill. An' ye ma-arched afther Willum J. O'Brien, didn't ye? Well, he's a good la-ad. If I didn't think so, I wudden't say it until I got me strenth back or cud buy a gun. But did Willum J. O'Brien march? Not Willie.
Supposin' Rockyfellar an' Pierpont Morgan an' Jim Hill shud form a union, an' shud demand a raise iv a millyon dollars a year, reduction iv wurrukin' time fr'm two to wan hour ivry week, th' closed shop, two apprentices f'r each bank an' no wan allowed to make money onless he cud show a union card?
There ought to be some way iv teachin' their wives how to cook it. It wud make a nourishin' dish whin ye have whetted ye'er face on a piece iv cuttle fish bone. I'm sure th' raison American wurrukin' men don't hop around an' sing over their wurruk is because they are improperly fed. "Yes, sir, canary bur-rd seed is free. What else? Lookin' down th' list I see that divvy-divvy is free also.
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