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Updated: June 18, 2025
After a consultation it was determined that I and Quidd should go to the old dame and see how she was, and if she was determined to go to church, and if there would be any difficulty to get her to accept of the convenience of our vehicle; so off we set. In less than half-an-hour we reached the old dame's cottage, and found her at that very moment dressing her foot. Quidd was the first who spoke.
Quidd and I got a great deal of money silver, and copper, and even gold. Seven-shilling pieces were in circulation at that time, and the squire and Mr. Hassock passing us, one threw sixpence and the other a seven-shilling piece to us, for which we gave a louder cheer than usual. In short, our hats were very nearly half full of money.
She had sold roasted chestnuts on the fifth of November for a score of years, and many a pinch of gunpowder had been put under the lid of the saucepan upon which the chestnuts were laid. Quidd determined to have a good explosion, and took the opportunity, while the chestnuts were being put into his hand, to introduce a packet of gunpowder into the kettle.
But, however, to be quite certain, if you like we will ask Ephraim Quidd. You know, his father is a lawyer, and he will tell us in a minute. So when we go to school we will ask him, shall we?" "With all my heart," said I. And so with that we began to dress ourselves, and went downstairs to breakfast.
It will be good fun, won't it?" And here Master Simon jumped and capered about with delight. When we came to the schoolyard there were several boys assembled and Quidd among them. Simon immediately ran up to him. "Quidd," said he, "I want to ask you a question. You know the law, do you not? Your father is the town clerk, and you ought." "I do know the law," said Quidd. "Have I not been bred to it?
"We will not hurt you, we will not hurt you," said I. But it was of no use; the old lady refused to be pacified. Just at this moment Quidd felt a severe blow from behind, which sent him sprawling. I also received a push or a drive, and a loud laugh burst from those around.
The fact was old Dame Clackett was a very staunch churchwoman, and used always to go both on Wednesdays and Fridays, Rain or sunshine, hot or cold, nothing could keep her away from her church, and we silly boys laughed at her for it. Poor old creature! she felt more real pleasure in this than we could imagine. "I will tell you what we will do," said Quidd.
"Won't that be fun?" continued Quidd. "Let us do it let us do it. There is no law against it; the thing was never thought of. It is just like the law that was never made among the Romans that I read about in my lessons yesterday: there was no law against a child killing his own father. I tell you," said he, "if there were twenty old women to be seized and burnt, nobody could be hurt for it.
She said: "Do as you like do as you like, only don't burn me for a guy; and give me a drop of something to drink." "Oh yes," said Quidd, "here is something for you. Hold up your head." And half a pint of good strong ale soon found its way down the throat of the dame.
Some people used to call the magistrates old women, and so this raised a laugh. He then called to the clerk to look over the Act of Parliament to see what could be the punishment for such an offence, but found none. Quidd was right there was no law against seizing an old woman for a guy. The bench were puzzled what to do.
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