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Updated: June 12, 2025
An exultant light leapt into the minister's eye. 'Is he shut? 'Is your mouth shut? Solomon replied scathingly. The ministerial mouth remained open in a fishy gasp, but no words came from it. 'I'm afraid you'll have to use stronger language, Mr. Gabriel, said the Parnass soothingly. 'But if he is not there to hear it. 'Oh, don't listen to Barzinsky. He'll be there right enough.
The Parnass, though at heart as outraged as they by the new departure, felt it always incumbent upon him to display his presidential impartiality and his dry humour. His authority, mainly based on his being the only retired shopkeeper in the community, was greatly strengthened by his slow manner of taking snuff at a crisis.
Don't forget you were only elected for three years. And the little man flung out. The Parnass, meeting his minister later in the street, took a similar view. 'You really must preach again next Sabbath, he said. 'The congregation is terribly wrought up. There may even be a riot. If Simeon Samuels keeps open next Sabbath, I can't answer that they won't go and break his windows.
Nay, it was a coffin they would strike a coffin of dead bones and living serpents. A cold wave of horror traversed the synagogue; a little shriek came from the gallery. 'I don't think I ever enjoyed a sermon so much, said the pawnbroker to the Parnass. 'Oh, he's improving, said the Parnass, still swollen with satisfaction.
'The Executive Sub-Committee passed the resolution to 'To break the Sabbath! interrupted the Parnass. 'We had already sacrificed our money; there was nothing left but to sacrifice our deepest feelings 'But what for? 'Why, to destroy his advantage, of course. Five-sixths of his Sabbath profits depend on the marine-dealers closing, and when he sees he's breaking the Sabbath in vain
'I don't believe he'd drag us to the Christian courts, the little man persisted. 'I pass. The rubber continued cheerlessly. 'A man who keeps his shop open on Sabbath is capable of anything, said the lanky Mendel, gloomily sweeping in his winnings. The Parnass took snuff judicially. 'Besides, he may have a Christian partner who keeps all the Saturday profits, he suggested.
'Chutney is thicker than blood, put in the Parnass mysteriously. 'He'll simply try to palm off his stock on the deputation. Ephraim Mendel and Solomon Barzinsky jumped up simultaneously. 'What a good idea, said Ephraim. 'There you have hit it! said Solomon. Their simultaneous popping-up had an air of finality like the long and the short of it!
Do you think I'd be where I am now if I hadn't had the courage to buy a bankrupt stock that I didn't see my way to paying for? It's a fight between you and Simeon Samuels. 'May his name be blotted out! impatiently cried the minister in the Hebrew imprecation. 'No, no, replied the Parnass, smiling. 'His name must not be blotted out it must be mentioned, and unmistakably.
The one bright spot in the story of the Sudminster Sabbath is that the congregation of which the present esteemed Parnass is Solomon Barzinsky, Esq., J.P., managed to avert the threatened split, and that while in so many other orthodox synagogues the poor minister preaches on the Sabbath to empty benches, the Sudminster congregation still remains at the happy point of compromise acutely discovered by Simeon Samuels: of listening reverentially every Saturday morning to the unchanging principles of its minister-elect, the while its shops are engaged in supplying the wants of Christendom.
'Yes, but unfortunately Simeon Samuels did have one, Mrs. Mendel confessed; 'and I couldn't get out of buying it. There was a general laugh. 'Cut-throat competition, I call it, snarled Solomon Barzinsky, recovering from his merriment. 'But you don't sell clocks, said the Parnass. 'That's just it; he gets hold of our customers on pretence of selling them something else.
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