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Cela doit etre un fils de preetre. Il a de la race. Avez-vous de la petite monnaie? The Frenchman found some small change and gave twenty kopeks to each of the pilgrims. 'Mais dites-leur que ce n'est pas pour les cierges que je leur donne, mais pour qu'ils se regalent de the. Chay, chay pour vous, mon vieux! he said with a smile. And he patted Kasatsky on the shoulder with his gloved hand.
After that affair with the officer, Nicholas Pavlovich said nothing to Kasatsky, but when the latter approached he waved him away theatrically, frowned, shook his finger at him, and afterwards when leaving, said: 'Remember that I know everything. There are some things I would rather not know, but they remain here, and he pointed to his heart.
They were polite to him, but showed by their whole manner that they had their own set and that he was not of it. And Kasatsky wished to belong to that inner circle. To attain that end it would be necessary to be an aide-de-camp to the Emperor which he expected to become or to marry into that exclusive set, which he resolved to do.
Involuntarily he recalled a lady he knew who had been a favourite of the Emperor's, but had afterwards married and become an admirable wife and mother. The husband had a high position, influence and honour, and a good and penitent wife. In his better hours Kasatsky was not disturbed by such thoughts, and when he recalled them at such times he was merely glad to feel that the temptation was past.
And she looked at Kasatsky with beautiful eyes, suffering from the remembrance. Kasatsky remembered how he had been told that Pashenka's husband used to beat her, and now, looking at her thin withered neck with prominent veins behind her ears, and her scanty coil of hair, half grey half auburn, he seemed to see just how it had occurred. 'Then I was left with two children and no means at all.
I only send the children. 'But why don't you go yourself? Besides, I am just lazy. 'And do you pray at home? 'I do. But what sort of prayer is it? Only mechanical. I know it should not be like that, but I lack real religious feeling. The only thing is that I know how bad I am... 'Yes, yes, that's right! said Kasatsky, as if approvingly. 'I'm coming!
He was often amazed that this had happened, that he, Stepan Kasatsky, had come to be such an extraordinary saint and even a worker of miracles, but of the fact that he was such there could not be the least doubt. He could not fail to believe in the miracles he himself witnessed, beginning with the sick boy and ending with the old woman who had recovered her sight when he had prayed for her.
Kasatsky gave half his property to his sister and kept only enough to maintain himself in the expensive regiment he had joined. To all appearance he was just an ordinary, brilliant young officer of the Guards making a career for himself; but intense and complex strivings went on within him.
'Yes, it is I, said Sergius in a low voice. 'Only not Sergius, or Father Sergius, but a great sinner, Stepan Kasatsky a great and lost sinner. Take me in and help me! 'It's impossible! How have you so humbled yourself? But come in. She reached out her hand, but he did not take it and only followed her in. But where was she to take him? The lodging was a small one.
Even victory over the sins of the flesh, greed and lust, was easily attained. His director had specially warned him against the latter sin, but Kasatsky felt free from it and was glad. One thing only tormented him the remembrance of his fiancee; and not merely the remembrance but the vivid image of what might have been.
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