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Updated: June 23, 2025
"Pray, ma'am," inquired I, as soon as he was out of hearing, "what is the matter with Mr Handycock, that he is so cross to you?" "Vy, my dear, it is one of the misfortunes of matermony, that ven the husband's put out, the vife is sure to have her share of it." "Are you people coming down to dinner?" roared Mr Handycock from below.
"I hear it, marm," replied the cook; and she gave the frying-pan a twist, which made the hissing and the smell come flying up into the parlour, and made me more hungry than ever. Rap, tap, tap! "There's your master, Jemima," screamed the lady. "I hear him, marm," replied the cook. "Run down, my dear, and let Mr Handycock in," said his wife. "He'll be so surprised at seeing you open the door."
"Mr Simple," said he, "will you allow me to offer you a little fish?" "If you do not want it all yourself, sir," replied I politely. Mrs Handycock frowned and shook her head at me, while her husband helped me. "My dove, a bit of fish?" We both had our share to-day, and I never saw a man more polite than Mr Handycock.
I replied that I certainly would, if he wished it, and walked off with the porter; the coachman observing as I went away, "Well, he is a fool that's sartain." I arrived quite safe at St. Clement's Lane, when the porter received a shilling for his trouble from the maid who let me in, and I was shown up into a parlour, where I found myself in company with Mrs Handycock.
"Jemima, be quick and dish up Mr Handycock is so hungry." "Yes, marm," replied the cook; and Mrs Handycock followed her husband into his bedroom on the same floor, to assist him at his toilet. "By Jove, Nancy, the bulls have been nicely taken in," said Mr Handycock, as we sat down to dinner. "O, I am so glad!" replied his wife, giggling; and so I believe she was, but why I did not understand.
I ran down, as Mrs Handycock desired me, and opened the street-door. "Who the devil are you?" in a gruff voice, cried Mr Handycock; a man about six feet high, dressed in blue cotton-net pantaloons and Hessian boots, with a black coat and waistcoat. I was a little rebuffed, I must own, but I replied that I was Mr Simple. "And pray, Mr Simple, what would your grandfather say if he saw you now?
While Mr Handycock was rubbing his boots on the mat, I went upstairs, rather mortified, I must own, as my father had told me that Mr Handycock was his stock-broker, and would do all he could to make me comfortable. When I returned to the parlour, Mrs Handycock whispered to me, "Never mind, my dear, it's only because there's something wrong on 'Change. Mr Handycock is a bear just now."
I thought that if it was not right for me to open a door, neither was it for me to wait at table but I obeyed him without making a remark. After dinner, Mr Handycock went down to the cellar for a bottle of wine. "O deary me!" exclaimed his wife, "he must have lost a mint of money we had better go up stairs and leave him alone; he'll be better after a bottle of port, perhaps."
I replied that I certainly would, if he wished it, and walked off with the porter; the coachman observing, as I went away, "Well, he is a fool that's sartain." I arrived quite safe at St Clement's-lane, when the porter received a shilling for his trouble from the maid who let me in, and I was shown up into a parlour, where I found myself in company with Mrs Handycock.
I have servants in plenty to open my door, and the parlour is the proper place for young gentlemen." "Law, Mr Handycock," said his wife, from the top of the stairs, "how can you be so cross? I told him to open the door to surprise you." "And you have surprised me," replied he, "with your cursed folly."
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