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Updated: April 30, 2025
Suppose they send me as ambassador to London? I tell you I'd nonplus those English! No man ever got the better of Gaudissart, the illustrious Gaudissart, and nobody ever will. Yes, I say it! no one ever outwitted me, and no one can in any walk of life, politics or impolitics, here or elsewhere.
That is what I've told them many times " "The 'Times'!" cried Gaudissart, who did not catch the whole sentence. "The 'Times' is a bad newspaper. If you read that, I am sorry for you." "The newspaper!" cried Margaritis. "Of course! Wife! wife! where is the newspaper?" he cried, going towards the next room.
Never before had the tragic event of a duel been so much as heard of in that benign and happy valley. "Monsieur Mitouflet, I am to fight to-morrow with Monsieur Vernier," said Gaudissart to his landlord. "I know no one here: will you be my second?" "Willingly," said the host.
So that is two thousand four hundred francs per annum." "Dat ees not all! I should like som monny." "Pin-money! Just so. Oh, these Germans! And calls himself an innocent, the old Robert Macaire!" thought Gaudissart. Aloud he said, "How much do you want? But this must be the last." "It ees to bay a zacred debt." "A debt!" said Gaudissart to himself. What a shark it is!
If you leave the theatre, you can repay me the money. Now for your budget. What are your yearly expenses? How much do you want to be comfortable? Come, now, scheme out a life for a Sardanapalus " "I only need two suits of clothes, von for der vinter, von for der sommer." "Three hundred francs," said Gaudissart. "Shoes. Vour bairs." "Sixty francs." "Shtockings " "A dozen pairs thirty-six francs."
"There was but one Job," said he, "and he has been dead some time. The patience of la mère Gaudissart has long since been entirely exhausted." "I am not so sure of that. One might appeal to her feelings, you know have a presentiment of early death wipe away a tear... Bah! it is worth the effort, anyhow." "It is a forlorn hope, my dear fellow, but, as you say, it is worth the effort.
Gaudissart was thirty-eight years of age, of medium height, stout and fat like men who roll about continually in stage-coaches, with a face as round as a pumpkin, ruddy cheeks, and regular features of the type which sculptors of all lands adopt as a model for statues of Abundance, Law, Force, Commerce, and the like.
There are certain babblers, babblers of genius are they, who sweep up interruptions, objections, and observations in this way as they go along, by way of provision to swell the matter of their conversation, as if that source were ever in any danger of running dry. "Why I went?" repeated she. "I went to get your M. Gaudissart out of a fix.
"The deuce! you are strong," said Gaudissart, out of breath. "Monsieur Vernier is stronger than I am." "The devil! Damn it, I shall fight with pistols." "I advise you to do so; because, if you take large holster pistols and load them up to their muzzles, you can't risk anything. They are sure to fire wide of the mark, and both parties can retire from the field with honor. Let me manage all that.
"Your oil succeeds thanks to my advertisements in the newspapers, and to Gaudissart, who has travelled over the whole of France; he has inundated the country with placards and prospectuses; he is now at Strasburg getting the prospectuses printed in the German language, and he is about to descend, like an invasion, upon Germany itself. We have received orders for three thousand gross."
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