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"We saved our man," said the Feldscher, looking at the soldier, "but we'd better move on. It's uncomfortable here." I bent my head down, managed to lick my hand without raising it, and stiffened the muscles of my arm. We were watched, once more, by a million eyes again I stepped on a head of hair buried somewhere in the ground. Then some voice cried shrilly: "Ah! Ah!" ... some man hit.
Neither decency nor comfort mattered to me now I would have walked gladly naked through the world. The Feldscher was making a grinding noise between his teeth. I was no longer conscious of shell or bullets. I heard no noise. I was aware of neither light nor darkness. I could not have told my name had any one asked me it.
And there are no secrets. What I tell you you may tell the world but I warn you that it will neither interest them nor will they believe it.... There is, you see, no climax to my story. I have no story, indeed; like an old feldscher in my village who hates our village Pope. 'Why, Georg Georgevitch, I say, 'do you hate him?
The sanitars who were sitting in a row on their haunches under the shadow of the barn all nodded their heads. "I didn't know Russians were cowards," I said fiercely. The Feldscher shook his head quite unmoved: "Your Honour must understand that I had my orders." Then he added slowly: "but of course if your Honour wishes to go yourself ... I would come with you.
"Is your friend badly wounded?" I asked the soldier. "Very," said he. "You see ..." I said to the Feldscher. "We can't possibly leave him like that. It's only a little way." The Feldscher shook his head. "I can't be responsible. I had my orders to go so far and no further. I must see that my men are safe."
Eight sanitars were waiting to start. The Feldscher in charge of them did not, I thought, seem greatly pleased when he saw me, but then I am often stupidly sensitive; no one said anything and we started. We carried two stretchers and a soldier from the trenches was with us to guide us. I could see that the men were not happy.
"No," the whisper came back. "Hasten.... Take care of the moonlight." And then, to my infinite relief and comfort, behind the cottages we found our wounded man. There was a dark yard here, apparently quite deserted. The Feldscher made an exclamation and stepped forward.
The Feldscher also began to feel the strain. Once he asked me to stop. He apologised; I could see the sweat pouring down his face: "A very big man'" he said. Whether it were the echo, whether my ears had by this time been utterly deafened and confused I do not know, but now the shock and rumble of the cannon seemed to come directly from under my feet.
"Quite close." "Across that field?" asked the Feldscher, pointing to the moonlight. "Yes, certainly," said the soldier. The Feldscher scratched his head. "We can't go further without orders," he said. "That's very dangerous in front there. I'm responsible for these men. We must return and ask, your Honour," he said, turning to me. "We shall be nearly an hour returning," I said.
At every smashing noise the sanitars, who were, I believe, schoolmasters and little clerks, and therefore of a more sensitive head than the peasant soldier, ducked their heads, and one fat red-faced man tried to lie down flat on two occasions and was cursed heartily by the Feldscher. I myself felt no fear but only a pounding exhilarating excitement, because I was at last "really in it."
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