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While I here solemnly protest before my Helicon, in the presence of my nine mistresses the Muses, that if I live yet the age of a dog, eked out with that of three crows, sound wind and limbs, like the old Hebrew captain Moses, Xenophilus the musician, and Demonax the philosopher, by arguments no ways impertinent, and reasons not to be disputed, I will prove, in the teeth of a parcel of brokers and retailers of ancient rhapsodies and such mouldy trash, that our vulgar tongue is not so mean, silly, inept, poor, barren, and contemptible as they pretend.
Some one asked him what he took the next world to be like. 'Wait a bit, and I will send you the information. A minor poet called Admetus told him he had inserted a clause in his will for the inscribing on his tomb of a monostich, which I will give: Admetus' husk earth holds, and Heaven himself. 'What a beautiful epitaph, Admetus! said Demonax, 'and what a pity it is not up yet!
He gave up asking Agathocles to join in his revels, contented himself with the company of his parasites, and sought to elude his friend's observation. Well, the misguided youth was presently persuaded by his flatterers that he had made a conquest of Chariclea, the wife of Demonax, an eminent Ephesian, holding the highest office in that city.
Their purpose is to avenge truth against sophistry, and to do combat for an ideal which is not always prominently put forward. There can be no doubt that Lucian has justified this character in his Diogenes and Demonax. Again, among modern writers, how grave and beautiful is the character depicted on all occasions by Cervantes in his Don Quixote!
He once, for daring to laugh at an athlete who displayed himself in gay clothes because he had won an Olympic victory, received a blow on the head with a stone, which drew blood. The bystanders were all as angry as if they had themselves been the victims, and set up a shout 'The Proconsul! the Proconsul! 'Thank you, gentlemen, said Demonax, 'but I should prefer the doctor.
The latter had heard that he made fun of his lectures, and in particular of the sentimental verses with which they were garnished, and which Demonax thought contemptible, womanish, and quite unsuited to philosophy. So he came and asked him: 'Who, pray, are you, that you should pour scorn upon me? 'I am the possessor of a critical pair of ears, was the answer.
Dinias arrived at her house, by agreement, at about bedtime, and was already inside, when Demonax whether he had an understanding with his wife in the matter, as some say, or had got his information independently sprang out from concealment, gave orders to his servants to make the door fast and to secure Dinias, and then drew his sword, breathing fire and flagellation against the paramour.
This year the Reverend Dr. Franklin having published a translation of Lucian, inscribed to him the Demonax thus: 'To DR. SAMUEL JOHNSON, the Demonax of the present age, this piece is inscribed by a sincere admirer of his respectable talents,
The time of his death is unknown. When Epictetus was finding fault with Demonax, and advising him to take a wife and beget children, for this also, as Epictetus said, was a philosopher's duty, to leave in place of himself another in the universe, Demonax refuted the doctrine by answering: Give me then, Epictetus, one of your own daughters.
'Well, said the questioner, 'there is no lack of free men. 'I count no man free who is subject to hopes and fears. 'You ask impossibilities; of these two we are all very much the slaves. 'Once grasp the nature of human affairs, said Demonax, 'and you will find that they justify neither hope nor fear, since both pain and pleasure are to have an end.
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