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Updated: July 15, 2025
While Darmstetter lived, I couldn't have left New York; but now, now that I am safe, why should I stay here, flatting with a shrew, provoking the Van Dams, to whom I owe some gratitude, wasting my life for a man who who said he didn't love me? Milly's at home again; let Ned return to her, if he chooses. I shall marry Strathay. Meg shall be friend to a Countess.
There is no one to confide in but this little book, stained by so many tears, confident of so many sorrows, so many disappointments. Prof. Darmstetter is dead. Dead, but not by my fault. I was not the thousandth part to blame. Yet I tremble like a leaf to think of it. I shall get no sleep to-night and to- morrow look like a fright to pay for it no! I can never do that now, thank God!
But to be t'e first is fame and all t'e ot'er t'ings I promise you. Now do you trust me? Now do you beliefe me? Vill you make t'e experiment? I haf let me tell you! I haf discofered " Cautiously Prof. Darmstetter looked about the room. Then he leaned toward me again and added in a hoarse whisper: "I haf discofered t'e Bacillus of Beauty." The Bacillus of Beauty! Was the poor man insane?
Such a dear little red-headed angel she would make! But it would not be fair to Prof. Darmstetter. He is not ready yet. So I can only sham ignorance and joke with her about milk baths and cold cream and rain water. Now that she has reached the stage of fright, I have great fun with her. "The age of miracles has come again," she says a hundred times a day. "I can't believe my eyes!
Now I can scarcely see the place where it was, and I'm sure no one else would notice it. It will never go away entirely. Prof. Darmstetter says I am not proof against wounds and old age, because these are a part of Nature's great plan. But it faded, faded! And my ears! How I used to hate their prominence!
He seemed to be hypnotizing me with his grave, uncanny eye. I could not move, I could not speak. "You may ask," Darmstetter went on though I had not thought of asking "if t'e beauty vould be hereditable; if as an acquired characteristic, it vould pass to descendants, or, if each child vill not haf to be treated anew. I believe no. It is true t'at acquired traits are not hereditable.
"And she's still studying?" Another voice "How can she? Great beauty and great scientist bizarre combination!" How that would amuse Prof. Darmstetter! By and by I saw John towering above the others while he bobbed about helplessly in the sea of women's heads that filled the rooms and even rose upon the "bleachers," as he calls the stairs.
"His heart ." he began, turning for the first time toward me, whom as yet he had not noticed; and then he started back and stood open-mouthed, transfixed, staring at me at my beauty. In that sweet instant, call it wicked or not, I was glad that Darmstetter was dead! I could not help it. So long as he lived, I was not safe.
Under such conditions I made rapid progress. I thoroughly enjoyed the work, though I was not absorbed in it, like most of my companions; but I was quick enough to keep pace with them and to make occasional shrewd suggestions that pleased Prof. Darmstetter not half so much as some sudden display of spirit. He did not seem to care whether I became a student.
What I thought happiness was nothing to what I now know happiness can be. If I have dwelt so long upon the laboratory and its master, it is because there the great blessing came that has glorified my whole existence. This was the way of it. One day I asked Prof. Darmstetter some question about the preparation of a microscopic slide from a bit of a frog's lung.
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