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Updated: June 15, 2025
"Now then, Tooter, I've got the goods on you, both figuratively and literally, so you might as well come across with it," urged Holmes. "I don't want to resort to forcible methods unless I am compelled to." "I'm sorry, Holmes. I'd like to oblige you, but if this gets out about me carrying it around with me, I'm a goner." "I guess you will be a goner.
The Earl arose and feelingly congratulated Holmes on the recovery of the gems, shaking hands with him warmly, and added: "You will pardon me for not seeming more enthused over the event than I am, but Uncle Tooter and I have just had some words, the result of which is that he will leave this castle Friday afternoon with his bride-to-be, Teresa Olivano; and my six good pairs of diamond cuff-buttons will be sent in by express to the Bank of England, there to be placed in an iron-bound, steel-doored safety deposit vault, where no Billie Budds can break in and hypothecate them!"
"Well, he'll have to, anyhow that's all," said Tooter, and he added, as he grabbed Holmes around the body with both arms: "Run like h now, Launcie, and I'll hold him until you're safe!"
"Well, I suppose it would hurt your standing there, Tooter; but you've got to take the consequences of your act. You're considerably old enough to know what you're doing, you know. Come on, now, give it up peaceably, or I'll forget myself and try jiu-jitsu on you."
The sky looked rather changeable as we all passed out by the great main entrance of Normanstow Towers, and went down the broad stone stairway to the lawn, alternately clouding over and then letting the fugitive April sun shine through. "Ah, fickle Springtime, it's just like a woman!" said Uncle Tooter, with a deep-drawn sigh that must have come all the way up from his boots.
"Holy Mother o' Mercy! don't do et ag'in, b'yee don' do et; ye've smashed my tinpanum all inter flinders! Good heaven! ye hev got a bugle wus nor enny steam tooter frum heer tew Lowell." "Hark!" said the youth, bending forward in a listening attitude. The next instant silence prevailed, and the twain anxiously listened.
"Yes, that's right," said Tooter, facing around in Holmes's direction; "and I can add that I am darned glad that I am not to be shadowed and dogged around by such a long-legged piece of impudence as you any longer.
When we got down to the library, which seemed to be the Earl's usual hang-out, we found His Lordship sitting in a chair, with a book in his lap, but with his somewhat gloomy eyes gazing on the floor, and old Uncle Tooter, with his back turned to him, looking out of the window, as if they had just had a quarrel, which was the case.
Tooter, Hicks, and Budd, while Holmes managed to pump Harrigan on the Q. T., and found out from him that the Earl was rated at two million pounds, in the form of several thousand acres of valuable land up in Yorkshire, including one or two good-sized towns.
The butler filled four glasses with some excellent Burgundy, and as we finished them, the Earl said: "Where are Uncle Tooter, Mr. Hicks, and Mr. Budd, and Thorneycroft, too, Harrigan?" "They're all up in the billiard room, trying to forget the unseemly tragedy that has marred the tranquil tenor of our lives here," replied Harrigan, winking at us again.
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