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Updated: May 6, 2025
Titmarsh; there is no subject, however solemn, but he treats it with flippant irreverence, and no character, however great, at whom he does not sneer." Ah, my dear! you are young now and enthusiastic; and your Titmarsh is old, very old, sad, and gray-headed.
"We shall always be happy of your company, Cousin Titmarsh," says she; and handed me a gold snuff-box, out of which I took a pinch, and sneezed with the air of a lord. "As you have invited this gentleman into your carriage, Lady Jane Preston, hadn't you better invite him home to dinner?" says Mr. Preston, quite blue with rage.
Why, man, it's her mania: she never is introduced to a man but she finds out a cousinship, and would not fail of course with that cur of a Titmarsh! 'Well, said I, laughing, 'that cur has got a good place in consequence, and the matter can't be mended. So you see," continued our Director, "that you were indebted for your place, not to your aunt's money, but " "But to MY AUNT'S DIAMOND PIN!"
It shall never be said that Sam Titmarsh got a place because a great man was in love with his wife; and were the situation ten times as valuable, I should blush every day I entered the office-doors in thinking of the base means by which my fortune was made. You have made me free, my Lord; and, thank God! I am willing to work.
My Lord at first turned red, and looked rather angry; but at last he held out his hand and said, "You are right, Titmarsh, and I am wrong; and let me tell you in confidence, that I think you are a very honest fellow. You shan't lose by your honesty, I promise you."
'A king can make a belted knight, A marquess, duke, and a' that; An honest man's abune his might Gude faith, he canna fa' that. Why need I care about telling these ladies where I live?" "Sir," says I, "have the goodness to send the parcel, when done, to Mr. Titmarsh, No. 3 Bell Lane, Salisbury Square, near St. Bride's Church, Fleet Street. Ring, if you please, the two-pair bell."
When I am arm-in-arm, I tell this story glibly off to Lankin, who is astonished at my knowledge of the world, and says, "Why, Titmarsh, you know everything." "I DO know a few things, Lankin my boy," is my answer. "A man don't live in society, and PRETTY GOOD society, let me tell you, for nothing." The fact is, that all the above details are known to almost any man in our neighborhood.
I did not much admire the impudence or the appearance of my friend, nor the fixed stare with which he chose to examine me. At last, he thrust a great greasy hand across the table, and said, "Titmarsh, do you forget your old friend Attwood?"
"I think Captain Hicks odious there! and I was quite angry when I saw him on the boat. Mamma does not know him, and she was so angry with me for dancing with him that night: though there was nobody of any particular mark at poor dear Mrs. Perkins's that is, except YOU, Mr. Titmarsh." "And I am not a dancing man," I said, with a sigh. "I hate dancing men; they can do nothing but dance."
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