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Updated: June 27, 2025
I see by my young friends. How do you do, my little gentleman? and how do you do, sir? With this salutation Mr Squeers patted the heads of two hollow-eyed, small-boned little boys, whom the applicant had brought with him, and waited for further communications. 'I am in the oil and colour way. My name is Snawley, sir, said the stranger.
Is that so? 'You talk like a good book, sir, that's got nothing in its inside but what's the truth, replied Snawley. 'This is your pocket-book, said Ralph, producing one from his coat; 'the certificates of your first marriage and of the boy's birth, and your wife's two letters, and every other paper that can support these statements directly or by implication, are here, are they?
'Highly considerate, said the passenger. 'It's my great aim and end to be considerate, sir, rejoined Squeers. 'Snawley, junior, if you don't leave off chattering your teeth, and shaking with the cold, I'll warm you with a severe thrashing in about half a minute's time. 'Sit fast here, genelmen, said the guard as he clambered up. 'All right behind there, Dick? cried the coachman.
The certificates are all genuine, Snawley HAD another son, he HAS been married twice, his first wife IS dead, none but her ghost could tell that she didn't write that letter, none but Snawley himself can tell that this is not his son, and that his son is food for worms! The only perjury is Snawley's, and I fancy he is pretty well used to it. Where's your risk?
'But about these boys of yours; you wanted to speak to me? 'Yes, replied Snawley. 'The fact is, I am not their father, Mr Squeers. I'm only their father-in-law. 'Oh! Is that it? said the schoolmaster. 'That explains it at once. I was wondering what the devil you were going to send them to Yorkshire for. Ha! ha! Oh, I understand now.
'That's what it was, sir, rejoined Snawley; 'the elevated feeling, the feeling of the ancient Romans and Grecians, and of the beasts of the field and birds of the air, with the exception of rabbits and tom-cats, which sometimes devour their offspring. My heart yearned towards him. I could have I don't know what I couldn't have done to him in the anger of a father.
It being found, however, that he held no further communication with Ralph, nor any with Snawley, and lived quite alone, they were completely at fault; the watch was withdrawn, and they would have observed his motions no longer, if it had not happened that, one night, Newman stumbled unobserved on him and Ralph in the street together.
Mr Snawley was too much occupied by his parental feelings to notice this remark; and, to assure himself more completely of the restoration of his child, tucked his head under his arm again, and kept it there. 'What was it, said Snawley, 'that made me take such a strong interest in him, when that worthy instructor of youth brought him to my house?
Snawley nodded his head, and wiped his eyes; the first slightly, the last violently.
Suddenly a loud peal of laughter echoed from the doorway, a woman stood there, richly dressed in silk and fur, with diamonds sparkling in her ears and diamonds clasping the long boa at her throat. It was Violet Vere. "Why, Snawley!" she cried with cheerful familiarity. "How are you? All broken, and no one to pick up the pieces! Serve you right! Got it at last, eh? Don't get up!
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