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Updated: June 11, 2025
"I don't mind sleeping upstairs, now that I have a telephone," she said serenely. "Max and Rudolph moved everything up this afternoon." Poopendyke and I returned to the study. I, for one, was bitterly disappointed. "I'm sorry that I had the 'phone put in," I said. "Please don't call it a 'phone!" she objected. "I hate the word 'phone." "So do I," said Poopendyke recklessly. I glared at him.
"How soon do they go?" asked Poopendyke late that afternoon, after listening to Mrs. Titus's amiable prophecies concerning Aline's future activities, and getting my harassed ear in a moment of least resistance. "I don't know," said I, hopelessly. I had heard about all I could endure concerning his lordship's magnificent estates in England, and the sort of a lord he was besides.
Poopendyke fidgeted a good deal with the scanty results of my literary labours, rattling the typed pages in a most insinuating way. He oiled his machine with accusative frequency, but I failed to respond. I was in no mood for writing. He said to me one day: "I don't see why you keep a secretary, Mr. Smart. I don't begin to earn my salt." "Salt, Mr.
"I've never tasted better broiled ham in my life, Mr. Poopendyke." "Ham! That's it, Mr. Smart. But what I'd like to know is this:" What became of the grouse you ordered for dinner, sir? I happen to know that it was put over the fire at seven " "I sent it up to the countess, with our compliments," said I, peevishly. I think that remark silenced him. At any rate, he got up and left the room.
The excitement in Britton's usually imperturbable countenance as he came running up to me from the telephone closet prepared me in a way for the startling news that was to come. "Has anything serious happened?" I cried, my heart sinking a little lower. "I had Mr. Poopendyke himself on the wire, sir. What do you think, sir?" A premonition! "She she has arrived?" I demanded dully. He nodded.
What irritated me more than anything else was the certain conviction that Poopendyke, who typed it as I progressed, also knew that it would go into the waste paper basket. Both nights I went to bed early and to sleep late. I could not deny to myself that I was missing those pleasant hours with the Countess. I did miss them. I missed Rosemary and Jinko and Helen Marie Louise Antoinette and Blake.
"It has all been quite satisfactorily attended to through Mr. Poopendyke," she said. "He consulted me before definitely engaging any one, Mr. Smart, and I referred him to my lawyers in Vienna. I do hope Hawkes and Blatchford and Henri, the chef, are quite satisfactory to you. They were recently employed by some one in the British embassy at "
It shall know " "But you don't know who I am, Mr. Smart," she broke in, her cheeks very warm and rosy. "How can you publicly espouse the cause of one whose name you refuse to have mentioned in your presence?" I dismissed her question with a wave of the hand: "Poopendyke can supply the name after I have signed the statement. I give him carte blanche.
We had ample room for all this physical increase, but no beds. I transferred the problem to Poopendyke. How he solved it I do not know, but from the woe-be-gone expression on his face the morning after the first night, and the fact that Britton was unnecessarily rough in shaving me, I gathered that the two of them had slept on a pile of rugs in the lower hall.
Chance ordered the tangle; let chance unravel it. Somewhat gleefully I decided that it would be good fun to keep myself in the dark as long as possible! "Mr. Poopendyke," said I, after that nervous factotum had let me into my side of the castle with gratifying stealthiness, "you will oblige me by not mentioning that fair lady's name in my presence."
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