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But I, Considering I am nothing in the scales You balance, quite and of necessity Consent. When you have weighed it, let me hear. My uncle Homeware steps this way in haste. We have been talking long, and in full view! HOMEWARE: Astraea, child! You, Arden, stand aside. Ay, if she were a maid you might speak first, But being a widow she must find her tongue. Astraea, they await you.
ARDEN: The ladies are on their way. LYRA: I must get Astraea to myself. HOMEWARE: My library is a virgin fortress, Mr. Arden. Its gates are open to you on other topics than the coupling of inebriates. LADY OLDLACE: Such perfect rhythm! WINIFRED: Such oratory! LADY OLDLACE: A master hand. I was in a trance from the first sentence to the impressive close.
HOMEWARE: Strange! how young people blowing words like clouds On winds, now fair, now foul, and as they please Should still attach the Fates to them. ARDEN: She's wounded Wounded to the quick! HOMEWARE: The quicker our success: for short Of that, these dames, who feel for everything, Feel nothing. ARDEN: Your intention has been kind, Dear sir, but you have ruined me. HOMEWARE: Good-night.
ARDEN: Achilles was not the worse warrior, sir, for his probation in petticoats. HOMEWARE: His deeds proclaim it. But Alexander was the better chieftain until he drank with Lais. ARDEN: No, I do not plead guilty to Bacchus. HOMEWARE: You are confessing to the madder form of drunkenness. ARDEN: How, sir, I beg? HOMEWARE: How, when a young man sees the index to himself in everything spoken!
Arden, I could counsel you to throw yourself at Lady Pluriel's feet, and institute her as your confessional priest. ARDEN: Madam, I am at your feet. I am devoted to the lady. LYRA: Devoted. There cannot be an objection. It signifies that a man asks for nothing in return! HOMEWARE: Have a thought upon your words with this lady, Mr. Arden! ARDEN: Devoted, I said. I am. I would give my life for her.
HOMEWARE: On an Alpine flower which has descended to flourish on English soil. Professor Spiral calls it Nature's 'dedicated widow. ARDEN: 'Dedicated widow'? HOMEWARE: The reference you will observe is to my niece Astraea. ARDEN: She is dedicated to whom? HOMEWARE: To her dead husband! You see the reverse of Astraea, says the professor, in those world-infamous widows who marry again. ARDEN: Bah!
ARDEN: That might have the look. I did rightly in coming to you, sir. HOMEWARE: 'Her uncle Homeware'? ARDEN: You read through us all, sir. HOMEWARE: It may interest you to learn that you are the third of the gentlemen commissioned to consult the lady's uncle Homeware. ARDEN: The third. HOMEWARE: Yes, she is pursued. It could hardly be otherwise.
Anything rather than be eaten up every minute, as I am. May no woman of my acquaintance marry a man of twenty years her senior! She marries a gigantic limpet. At that period of his life a man becomes too voraciously constant. HOMEWARE: Cupid clipped of wing is a destructive parasite. LYRA: I am in dead earnest, uncle, and I will have a respite, or else let decorum beware!
Love, marriage, a troop of suitors, and uncle Homeware. No, it would not have occurred to me, and I am considered to have some humour. Of course, he disposes of them. He seemed to have a fairly favourable opinion of Mr. Arden. ASTRAEA: I do not share it. He is the least respectful of the sentiments entertained by me. Pray, spare me the mention of him, as you say of your husband.
HOMEWARE appears; he craftily avoids joining their party, like one who is unworthy of such noble oratory. ARDEN: A glorious morning, sir. HOMEWARE: The sun is out, sir. ARDEN: I am happy in meeting you, Mr. Homeware. HOMEWARE: I can direct you to the ladies, Mr. Arden. You will find them up yonder avenue. ARDEN: They are listening, I believe, to an oration from the mouth of Professor Spiral.
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