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Updated: May 26, 2025
'Now, Dombey, says the Major, 'our friend Feenix having, with an amount of eloquence that Old Joe B. has never heard surpassed no, by the Lord, Sir! never! says the Major, very blue, indeed, and grasping his cane in the middle 'stated the case as regards the lady, I shall presume upon our friendship, Dombey, to offer a word on another aspect of it.
Draw the rose-coloured curtains close! A good-natured creature like Cousin Feenix is the very man for a marriage or a funeral, and his position in the family renders it right that he should be consulted. 'Dombey, said Cousin Feenix, 'upon my soul, I am very much shocked to see you on such a melancholy occasion. My poor aunt! She was a devilish lively woman. Mr Dombey replies, 'Very much so.
If, as your cousin Feenix says, the sword wears out the what's-its-name 'The scabbard, perhaps, said Edith. 'Exactly a little too fast, it is because it is bright and glowing, you know, my dearest love.
Now, the carriages arrive at the Bride's residence, and the players on the bells begin to jingle, and the band strikes up, and Mr Punch, that model of connubial bliss, salutes his wife. Now, the people run, and push, and press round in a gaping throng, while Mr Dombey, leading Mrs Dombey by the hand, advances solemnly into the Feenix Halls.
The stupid fool is as consistent and as homogeneous as wood; he is as invincible as the ancestral darkness. Cousin Feenix is a good sketch of the sort of well-bred old ass who is so fundamentally genuine that he is always saying very true things by accident.
They are all three of that royal order in Dickens's creation which can no more be described or criticised than strong wine. The first is Major Bagstock, the second is Cousin Feenix, the third is Toots. In Bagstock Dickens has blasted for ever that type which pretends to be sincere by the simple operation of being explosively obvious.
All the party sign; Cousin Feenix last; who puts his noble name into a wrong place, and enrols himself as having been born that morning. The Major now salutes the Bride right gallantly, and carries out that branch of military tactics in reference to all the ladies: notwithstanding Mrs Skewton's being extremely hard to kiss, and squeaking shrilly in the sacred edifice.
The daughter slightly turned her graceful head, and raising her eyebrows by a hair's-breadth, as if her cousin Feenix were of all the mortal world the least to be regarded, turned her eyes again towards Mr Dombey. 'I hope, for the credit of my good taste, that I am tired of the neighbourhood, she said.
That you will ride to London with this gentleman, whom you know. 'And my friend Gay, also I beg your pardon! interrupted Cousin Feenix. And with me and make a visit somewhere. 'To whom? asked Florence, looking from one to the other. 'If I might entreat, said Cousin Feenix, 'that you would not press for an answer to that question, I would venture to take the liberty of making the request.
It's a perfectly and equal transaction. She is regularly bought, and you may take your oath he is as regularly sold!" In his full enjoyment of this culminating point of his story, the shudder, which had gone all round the table like an electric spark, struck Cousin Feenix, and he stopped. Not a smile occasioned by the only general topic of conversation broached that day, appeared on any face.
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