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Updated: May 22, 2025
The young grass was already springing up from the frozen moss. I was in a thoughtful mood, and sat down several times. For three days I had not seen a soul except the one fisherman I had met the day before. I thought to myself, "Perhaps I may meet someone this evening on the way home, at the edge of the wood, where I met the Doctor and Edwarda before.
I had some talk with Edwarda. "We shall have rain before long," I said. "What time is it?" she asked. I looked at the sun and answered: "About five." She asked: "Can you tell so nearly by the sun?" "Yes," I answered; "I can." Pause. "But when you can't see the sun, how do you tell the time then?" "Then I can tell by other things.
I started, and felt that I was biting my lip. I got up. "What you said then seemed very significant to me, Edwarda," I said darkly, and made a few steps towards the door. The Doctor put himself in my way, and Edwarda herself came hurrying up. "Don't misunderstand me," she said warmly. "I meant to say I hoped you would be the last to go, the very last.
He fell to entertaining the ladies in the most amiable manner. To Edwarda he was polite and kind, often fatherly, and pedantically instructive, as he had been so many times before. She spoke of some date or other, saying: "I was born in '38," and he asked, "Eighteen hundred and thirty-eight, I suppose you mean?"
The autumn, the winter, had laid hold of her too; her senses drowsed. Already the sun had gone to sea. And I put on my uniform for the first time, and went down to Sirilund. My heart was beating. I remembered everything from the day when Edwarda had come hurrying to me and embraced me before them all. Now she had thrown me hither and thither for many months, and made my hair turn grey.
But as true as I'm sitting here she expected me to pay for a saloon passage for the woman and child; I could see it in her eyes. And what then, do you think? The woman gets up and thanks her for her kindness. 'Don't thank me it was that gentleman there, says Edwarda, pointing to me as calmly as could be. What do you think of that? The woman thanks me too; and what can I say?
"You're wrong there it was someone else said I had eyes like an animal." "Someone else? Who?" "I don't know. One of her girl friends. No, it was not Edwarda said that. Wait a bit though; perhaps, after all, it was Edwarda..." "When you look at her, it makes her feel so and so, she says. But do you think that brings you a hairbreadth nearer? Hardly.
The same thing has happened to me since one day this year. I do not know what to think. Then, too, it may have been fate. All the evening I had a bitter feeling that I should not have come to that party. My coming was hardly noticed at all, they were all so occupied with one another; Edwarda hardly bade me welcome. I began drinking hard because I knew I was unwelcome; and yet I did not go away.
I hired a man to carry Asop's body to Edwarda. The mail-packet was to sail in the afternoon. I went down to the quay. My things were already on board. Herr Mack pressed my hand, and said encouragingly that it would be nice weather, pleasant weather; he would not mind making the trip himself in such weather. The Doctor came walking down. Edwarda was with him; I felt my knees beginning to tremble.
For the second time I was fascinated by her dark eyebrows, that curved high up into her forehead. But, Heavens the girl had kissed me openly in sight of them all! "What is it, Edwarda?" I asked, and I could hear my blood beating; hear it as it were from down in my throat, so that I could not speak distinctly. "Nothing," she answered. "Only that I wanted to. It doesn't matter."
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