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Updated: September 24, 2025
When Desgenais left me I became so desperate that I resolved to put an end to my trouble. After a terrible struggle, horror got the better of love. I wrote my mistress that I would never see her again, and begged her not to try to see me unless she wished to be exposed to the shame of being refused admittance. I called a servant and ordered him to deliver the letter at once.
Desgenais saw that my despair was incurable, that I would neither listen to any advice nor leave my room, he took the thing seriously. I saw him enter one evening with an expression of gravity on his face; he spoke of my mistress and continued in his tone of persiflage, saying all manner of evil of women.
"No," I replied, "I have waltzed with her and wanted to know her name; I have no further interest in her." Shame led me to speak thus, but when Desgenais turned away I followed him. "You are very prompt," he said, "Marco is no ordinary woman. She was almost the wife of M. de , ambassador to Milan. One of his friends brought her here. Yet," he added, "you may rest assured I shall speak to her.
She might employ all the seduction she pleased; you alone were in danger. "It must be that Desgenais has a heart, since he lives. In what respect does he differ from you. He is a man who believes in nothing, fears nothing, who knows no care or ennui, perhaps, and yet it is clear that a scratch on the finger would fill him with terror, for if his body abandons him, what becomes of him?
I arose precipitately, and had only time to open the closet door and motion the creature into it, when Desgenais entered the room with two friends. The great currents that are found in the middle of the ocean resemble certain events in life. Fatality, Chance, Providence, what matters the name? Those who quarrel over the word admit the fact.
An incident occurred which made a deep impression on me. Desgenais had with him a very beautiful mistress who loved him much. One evening as I was walking with him I told him that I considered her such as she was, that is to say, admirable, as much on account of her attachment for him as because of her beauty.
A deep flush suffused my face and I felt the futility of my feint. Desgenais smiled. "Take care," said he, "take care, do not go too far." "But," I protested, "how did I know it, how could I know " Desgenais compressed his lips as if to say: "You knew enough." I stopped short, mumbling the remnant of my sentence. My blood became so hot that I could not continue.
She began to laugh, and Desgenais, who could see us from his table, joined her. Before her was a large crystal glass cut in the shape of a chalice, which reflected the glittering lights on its thousand sparkling facets, shining like the prism and revealing the seven colors of the rainbow.
It seemed to me after a short time that the world which had at first appeared so strange would hamper me, so to speak, at every step; yet where I had expected to see a spectre, I discovered, upon closer inspection, a shadow. Desgenais asked what ailed me. "And you?" I asked. "What is the matter with you? Have you lost some relative? Or do you suffer from some wound?"
When Desgenais left me I became so desperate that I resolved to put an end to my trouble. After a terrible struggle, horror got the better of love. I wrote my mistress that I would never see her again, and begged her not to try to see me unless she wished to be exposed to the shame of being refused admittance. I called a servant and ordered him to deliver the letter at once.
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