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Do ye think me an' th' ol' woman, God rist her soul, slaved th' flesh off our bones f'r nothin' better than ter raise a brat who'd sell th' man whose hand was always out f'r me an' mine? It's ye'er fa-ather talkin' ter ye now, James Riley, an' it's ye'er fa-ather who's goin' ter scrape off some iv thim fine airs thim Tammany thieves an' blacklegs has learned ye.
'I'll threat ye r-right, he says, 'an' at the last line I'll hand ye wan, he says. An' he done it. 'Go in, he says in th' pome, 'go in an' do ye'er worst, he says. 'I make a pass at ye'er stomach, he says, 'I cross ye with me right, he says; 'an, he says at th' last line, he says, 'I soak ye, he says. An' he done it. Th' minyit 'twas over with th' pome 'twas off with Scanlan.
'He was a gr-reat rassler an' whin he had a full Nelson on th' foolish man that wint again him, he used to say, 'Dear me, am I breakin' ye'er neck, I hope so." "But th' Matsachoosetts man didn't see it that way. An' some time, I tell ye, Hinnissy, an' Englishman'll put th' shot wan fut further than wan iv our men th' Lord save us fr'm th' disgrace! an' th' next day we'll invade Canada."
I'm settin' in the palace with me feet on th' pianny. Write soon. I won't get it. So no more at prisint, fr'm ye'er ol' frind an' well-wisher, George Dooley. "How ar-re they goin' to stop him? How ar-re they goin' to stop him? There's Mack on th' shore bawlin' ordhers. 'Come back, he says. 'Come back, I command ye, he says. 'George, come back, he says. 'Th' war is over, he says.
'Japan is a beautiful land, says Prince Okoko. 'May victhry perch upon ye'er banners, an' may ye hammer our old frinds an' allies fr'm Mookden to Moscow. Banzai, says he. An' they embraced. That night, in ordher to help on th' cause, Hogan bought a blue flower-pot fr'm th' Prince's collection f'r eighteen dollars.
An' it stimylates compytition. If gr-reatness an' goodness were hand in hand 'tis small chance anny iv us wud have iv seem' our pitchers in th' pa-apers. "An' so it is that the battles ye win, th' pitchers ye paint, th' people ye free, th' childher that disgrace ye, th' false step iv ye'er youth, all go thundherin' down to immortality together. An' afther all, isn't it a good thing?
He'd shave ye, cut ye'er hair, dye ye'er mustache, give ye a dhry shampoo an' cure ye iv appindicitis while ye were havin' ye'er shoes shined be th' naygur. Ivry gineration iv doctors has had their favrite remedies.
'I don't know how th' Union'll feel about it, but that's no business iv mine, he says. 'Ye will get ye'er wur-rkin-cards fr'm th' walkin' diligate, he says; 'an' ye'll be entitled, he says, 'to pay ye'er share iv th' taxes an' to live awhile an' die whin ye get r-ready, he says, 'jus' th' same as if ye was bor-rn at home, he says.
'Ye'ar too intilligent, says I. 'But intilligence don't give ye a vote. "'What does, thin, says she. 'Well, says I, 'enough iv ye at wan time wantin' it enough. How many ladies ar-re there in ye'er Woman's Rights Club? 'Twinty, says she. 'Make it three hundher, says I, 'an' ye'll be on ye'er way. Ye'er mother doesn't want it, does she? No, nor ye'er sister Katie?
'I'll buy rayqueem masses f'r th' raypose iv ye'er sowl, if ye don't duck out iv this in a minyit, Whin I seen him last, he was back dhrivin' a dhray an' atin' his dinner out iv a tin can." The people of Bridgeport are not solicitous of modern improvements, and Mr. Dooley views with distaste the new and garish.
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