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Updated: June 5, 2025
"What did you have for dinner to-day?" said the Professor. "A little piece of a dead crow," was Bruno's mournful reply. "He means rook-pie," Sylvie explained. "It were a dead crow," Bruno persisted. "And there were a apple-pudding and Uggug ate it all and I got nuffin but a crust! And I asked for a orange and didn't get it!"
And we all went out into the garden together. "I shall address him, first of all," the Professor explained as we went along, "with a few playful remarks on the weather. I shall then question him about the Other Professor. This will have a double advantage. On our way, we passed the target, at which Uggug had been made to shoot during the Ambassador's visit.
"By the way, there was something about Bruno succeeding to the Wrardenship," said my Lady. "How does that stand in the new Agreement?" The Chancellor chuckled. "Just the same, word for word," he said, "with one exception, my Lady. Instead of 'Bruno, I've taken the liberty to put in " he dropped his voice to a whisper, "to put in 'Uggug, you know!" "Uggug, indeed!"
"But don't throw it out! He's gone away, don't you see? Let's go after him." And she led him out of the room, unnoticed by the rest of the party, who were wholly absorbed in watching the old Beggar. The Conspirators returned to their seats, and continued their conversation in an undertone, so as not to be heard by Uggug, who was still standing at the window.
"Leave the room, Sirrah!" he said, as loud as he dared. His wife was still leaning out of the window, and kept repeating "I ca'n't see that pig! Where is it?" "It's moved to the right now it's gone a little to the left," said the Sub-Warden: but he had his back to the window, and was making signals to the Lord Chancellor, pointing to Uggug and the door, with many a cunning nod and wink.
"Where's the razor?" The Vice-Warden meanwhile had got hold of Uggug, and was belabouring him with his umbrella. "Who left this loose nail in the floor?" he shouted, "Hammer it in, I say! Hammer it in!" Blow after blow fell on the writhing Uggug, till he dropped howling to the floor. Then his father turned to the 'shaving' scene which was being enacted, and roared with laughter.
"A crust of bread is what I crave!" he repeated. "A single crust, and a little water!" "Here's some water, drink this!" Uggug bellowed, emptying a jug of water over his head. "Well done, my boy!" cried the Vice-Warden. "That's the way to settle such folk!" "Clever boy!", the Wardeness chimed in. "Hasn't he good spirits?"
"On second thoughts, don't shout," the Professor replied. "The Vice-Warden might hear you. He's getting awfully strict!" This reminded the poor children of all the troubles, about which they had come to their old friend. Bruno sat down on the floor and began crying. "He is so cruel!" he sobbed. "And he lets Uggug take away all my toys! And such horrid meals!"
The Sub-Warden rose with alacrity, and the two left the room together. My Lady turned to the Professor, who had uncovered the urn, and was taking its temperature with his pocket-thermometer. "Professor!" she began, so loudly and suddenly that even Uggug, who had gone to sleep in his chair, left off snoring and opened one eye.
For the second time the door opened or rather was burst open, this time, as Uggug rushed violently into the room, shouting "that old Beggars come again!" "He's not to have any food " the Vice-warden was beginning, but the Chancellor interrupted him. "It's all right," he said, in a low voice: "the servants have their orders."
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