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Updated: May 19, 2025


I particularly congratulated myself on the good fortune of having been so close to the root at the Royal Georgeing of my bark. My bark well, strictly speaking, it was the splitters' bark; but accidents will happen; and I was certain that not a soul had seen me turn off the main road toward the river. My clothes were of the lightest. I took them off, and tied them in my handkerchief.

I should be glad to know whether, when I have put on my green robe in spring, the trees do not afterwards do the same? These are facts patent to everybody, and on them I take my stand. I am a plain practical man, not one of your theorists and splitters of hairs and choppers of logic.

I lost no time in bidding my pals good-bye, and when I had convinced them that it was an actual fact, the gun Sergeant said, "Fellows, Grant's going; we'll give him the best we've got; ten rounds of gun fire. Ready! Fire!" and ten ear-drum splitters clove the air. I had no cotton in my ears and the effects of that farewell stayed with me several minutes after I left.

So let me only say that the weather completely justified his cheery optimism; that the breeze, though slight, held throughout the sailing events, and then dropped, leaving the bay glassy as a lake for the rowers; that sports ashore three-legged races, egg-and-spoon races, sack races, races for young men, races for old women, donkey races, a tug-of-war, a greasy pole, a miller-and-sweep combat filled the afternoon until tea-time; that at tea the tables groaned with piles of saffron cake and cream 'splitters'; and that when the company had, in Homeric phrase the only fit one for such a tea put aside from them the desire of meat and drink, Sir Felix stood up and made a speech.

When the root was within six inches of the wire, Pup's chin and forepaws were on the gunwale; in three seconds more, I was clinging with one hand to the root, the other still mechanically holding the tightening wire; Pup was making for the log; and the splitters' bark had gone to Davy Jones's locker.

Poor Rory, in spite of his willingness, was naturally awkward with the splitters' tools, nor did he know how to harness a horse. All this, he explained to me, was a penalty adherent to people who, by reason of their social-economic position, are emancipated from manual labour.

"No, mother, and I must take that young one back. Ain't she awake yet?" "I'll see directly; but she ain't going home, nor you neither, 'Brahm, till you've got your supper it would be a sin to let her. She shall have a taste of my splitters this very night; I've been makin' them o' purpose for her. So you may just take off your hat and sit down."

In due time, though with no little difficulty, they reached the spot where the brook came forth from the wood into the open day; and thence, making a sharp turn to the right, skirted along by the edge of the trees, as if unwilling to part company with them. "I guess we'd better get back into the lane now," said Miss Nancy; "we're a pretty good long way from home." Splitters.

These modern rationalizing methods have made but a slight impression on the vast complex of the fossil plants and animals, affecting the names of only a few of the larger and better known forms. In the realm of invertebrate palæontology, however, the "splitters" are still holding high carnival, in spite of the efforts of some very prominent scientists in the opposite direction.

For a generation or more in the recent past the "splitters" had things pretty much their own way; but of late there is a growing tendency to frown down the mania for creating new names.

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