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Updated: September 7, 2025
It began in a jest, as do all the choicest tragedies of the gods, a few lines of idle badinage, meant to spice Solon's column of business locals with a readable sprightliness. The thing was printed, in fact, between "Let Harpin Cust shine your face with his new razors" and "See that line of clocks at Chislett's for sixty cents. They look like cuckoos and keep good time."
Come, ladies and, by the way, where's my favorite, Miss Julia from you?" "She's not quite well this morning, Cannie," said her mother; "she has a slight headache, I believe." "Well, Miss Mary, then? Any purchases to-day, Miss Mary?" "Not to-day, Cannie the next time, perhaps." "Cannie," said Purcel, "you praised your razors very highly at your last visit; have you a good case this morning?"
Of course they are; but if they'd been in England God bless her, the dear old obstinate soul! they'd have been drove crazy along o' pipeclay and razors; she'd never have seed what was in 'em, her eyes are so bunged up with routine. If a pup riot in the pack, she's no notion but to double-thong him, and, a-course, in double-quick time, she finds herself obliged to go further and hang him.
My best razors are, of course, at the bottom of some unidentifiable trunk. It is a plot to drive me to bay rum and a monologueing, thumb-handed barber. Give me a pen that doesn't scratch. I hate pens that scratch." "Sit down," said double-chinned, gray Lawyer Oldport. "The worst has not been told you. Oh, the hardships of the rich! The papers are not yet ready to sign.
He went about fruitlessly endeavouring to instigate rebellion against Sir Gregory, that very Sir Gregory whom he had for many years all but worshipped. Poor Jones was, to tell the truth, in a piteous case. He told the Secretary flatly that he would not compete with a lot of boys fresh from school, and his friends began to think of removing his razors.
Eglantine's shop-window; and at night, when the gas is lighted, and the washballs are illuminated, and the lambent flame plays fitfully over numberless bottles of vari-coloured perfumes now flashes on a case of razors, and now lightens up a crystal vase, containing a hundred thousand of his patent tooth-brushes the effect of the sight may be imagined.
Steel rusts; razors lose their edge; thread decays; clothes fall to pieces; books moulder away, and drop out of their bindings; plaster cracks; timber rots; matting is in shreds. The sun, the steam of this vast alluvial tract, and the infinite armies of white ants, make such havoc with buildings that a house requires a complete repair every three years.
"I'll send Black Michael down below before I go myself, so help me heaven! Sit in that chair, man." I obeyed him. He darted from the room, calling "Josef! Josef!" In three minutes he was back, and Josef with him. The latter carried a jug of hot water, soap and razors. He was trembling as Sapt told him how the land lay, and bade him shave me. Suddenly Fritz smote on his thigh: "But the guard!
It was young Spinks; and the luggage that he carried in his hand gave a frightful impetus to his entry. At the sight of Rickman he let go a hat-box, an umbrella and a portmanteau, and laid hold of him by both hands. "Razors what luck! I say, I've gone and done it. Chucked them hooked it. Stood it eighteen months couldn't stand it any longer. On my soul I couldn't. But it's all right I'll explain."
We followed the advice of Smith without a word of remonstrance, and in a short time our long, ragged beards had fallen before the sharp edges of our razors, and after a refreshing bath in a tub, the only bathing-pan we could find in the city, we dressed ourselves in our new clothes, and once more felt that clean linen was more becoming to gentlemen, in spite of its democracy, than blue flannel.
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