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Updated: June 3, 2025
This young gentleman, who always wore long curling locks, an eye-glass and a romantic cloak which covered a multitude of shabbinesses, fully allayed Raphael's fears as to the difficulties of editorship. "Obituaries!" he said scornfully. "You rely on me for that!
Amid the welter of existence what is it that we are above all to do? To thine own self be true. You are a husband, a father, and a civil engineer. That is all that matters in the end. But after all, all obituaries in a great city are for the elect. The great majority of us have none at all, in print.
The crew scattered, and perhaps the prediction of the fortune-teller of Lynn followed their roving courses, for when Captain Amasa Delano tried to trace them a few years later, he jotted down such obituaries as these on the list of names: "John Harris. A slave in Algiers at last accounts. Roger Dyer. Died and thrown overboard off Cape Horn. William Williams. Lost overboard off Japan.
A few days later there appeared, in the space which for years had been occupied by the bigger of the two advertisements, the following pleasant notice: People Who Disapprove of Civic Cleanliness, A Better Town, Better Kiddies, and A Square Deal for Everybody, Also Disapprove of Advertising in the Clarion. And the space once occupied by the other advertiser was headed: OBITUARIES
"I'm sure my wife would be glad to give you any information." "Of course, of course," said Gradkoski, soothingly. "You will get the obituaries sent in of themselves by the relatives." Raphael's brow expressed surprise and incredulity. "And besides, we are not going to crack up the same people as the other papers," said De Haan; "otherwise we should not supply a want.
However, "influential" is a good word and usual in obituaries, so Bethuel let it stand. He continued: "Captain Hall's sudden death " Erasure of "death" and substitution of "demise." Then: " Was a shock to the community at large. It happened on account of " More erasures and substitutions.
Men feign themselves dead, and endure mock funerals and mournful obituaries, and there they stand looking out of the window, sound and well, in some new and strange disguise. Jesus is not dead, he is very well alive: nor John, nor Paul, nor Mahomet, nor Aristotle; at times we believe we have seen them all, and could easily tell the names under which they go."
And all the while it don't matter a thing. Of course we're fools. We'll hand over when the time comes, and the old world'll roll on, and it's not been shifted a hair's-breadth for our having lived, in spite of the obituaries the news-sheets hand out like a Sunday School mam at prize time. Say, here, it's no use fooling ourselves.
He didn't hustle around much, but he had a kind er pleasin' way uv dishin' things up. He c'u'd be mighty comical when he sot out to be, but his best holt was serious pieces. Nobody could beat Bill writing obituaries. When old Mose Holbrook wuz dyin' the minister sez to him: "Mr. Holbrook, you seem to be sorry that you're passin' away to a better land?"
In one of the newspaper obituaries at the time of his death it is admitted that he had been "charged with resorting to tricks unbecoming the dignity of a lawyer," but the writer adds that it is an open question if some, or indeed all of them were not legitimate enough, and might not have been paralleled by the practices of some of the ablest of British and Irish barristers.
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