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All human affections are growing closer and dearer unto me. I can look at my good and pious mother without feeling, as I did at times, that she is either a self-deceiver or deceived. I do not now shrink from my little daughter, nor think with horror that she owes to me that being which may lead her one day to 'curse God and die. Still I cannot rest at Harbury. All things there torture me.
I do not remember at all clearly what I wrote to her. It has disappeared from existence. But it was certainly a long letter. Throughout this book I have been trying to tell you the growth of my views of life and its purpose, from my childish dreams and Harbury attitudes to those ideas of human development that have made me undertake the work I do.
Even had the words been true, she and Harold were both too old for such sentimentalities. They breakfasted alone. Harold still looked pale and weary, nor did he deny the fact that he had scarcely slept. He told her all the Harbury news, but spoke little of himself or of his plans. "They were yet uncertain," he said, "but a few more days would decide all."
Then she went back to the old woman, and tried to speak of comfort and of prayer. It was not far to Harbury, but, in less time than Olive had expected, Harold Gwynne appeared. "Miss Rothesay, you sent for me!" "I did I did. Oh, thank Heaven that you are come," eagerly cried Olive, clasping his two hands. He regarded her with a surprised and troubled look, and took them away.
"But come, no more o' that, an thou lovest me!" "Harold!" Captain Rothesay found himself at breakfast on the sixth morning of his stay at Harbury so swiftly had the time flown. But he felt a purer and a happier man every hour that he spent with his ancient friend. The breakfast-room was Harold's study. It was more that of a man of science and learning than that of a clergyman.
It was easier for us at Harbury to believe then than it has become since, in our own racial and national and class supremacy. We were the Anglo-Saxons, the elect of the earth, leading the world in social organization, in science and economic method. In India and the east more particularly we were the apostles of even-handed justice, relentless veracity, personal cleanliness, and modern efficiency.
You do not know how glad I am to see you, my dear friend." And her hand alighted softly on his arm like a bird of peace. Harold pressed it and kept it there, as he often did; they were used to that kind of friendly familiarity. "You are very good, Miss Rothesay. Yes, all is well at Harbury.
Then there was a photograph in my father's study of the Delphic Sibyl from the Sistine Chapel, that for a time held my heart, and Yes, there was a girl in a tobacconist's shop in the Harbury High Street. Drawn by an irresistible impulse I used to go and buy cigarettes and sometimes converse about the weather.
"You print the names of other people who are supporting you. Mr. John Felton, M.P., who will take the chair, Colonel Winwood, M.P., and Miss Winwood, the Dean of Halifax and Lady Harbury, et cetera, et cetera. Why not poor Princess Sophie Zobraska?" "You have a good memory, Princess." She regarded him lazily. "Sometimes. When does the meeting begin?" "At eight. Oh, I forget." His face fell.
I feared so, long ago. But it is not that which drives him abroad; for I told him if he still wished to resign his duties to his curate, we would give up the Parsonage, and he should take pupils. There is a charming little house in the neighbouring village that would suit us. But no; he seemed to shrink from this plan too. He said he must go entirely away from Harbury." "And for how long?"
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