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Updated: May 25, 2025
One inestimable portion, however, of this memorable occasion of festivity between those frequend pardners, Betsey Prig and Sairey Gamp, was, by a most ingenious dovetailing together of two disjointed parts, incorporated with the adroitly compacted materials of a Reading that was as brief as the laughter provoked by it was boisterous and inextinguishable.
'Betsey Prig, my why it's that there disapintin' Sweedlepipes, I do believe. 'Yes, it's me, said the barber in a faint voice; 'I've just come in. 'You're always a-comin' in, I think, muttered Mrs Gamp to herself, 'except wen you're a-goin' out. I ha'n't no patience with that man! 'Mrs Gamp, said the barber. 'I say! Mrs Gamp! 'Well, cried Mrs Gamp, impatiently, as she descended the stairs.
'Now that the marks, by which Mrs Gamp is supposed to have meant mask, 'is off that creetur's face, I do not think it ever would have done. There are reagions in families for keeping things a secret, Mr Westlock, and havin' only them about you as you knows you can repoge in. Who could repoge in Betsey Prig, arter her words of Mrs Harris, setting in that chair afore my eyes!
Gamp; he is proud when Diana Vernon comes to his room, and he has a chair for Colonel Newcome; he likes to hear Coleridge preach, who, as Lamb said, "never did anything else," and is much flattered when Browning tries to explain what he meant in Paracelsus.
'You speak truth in that, sir, if you never speaks no more 'twixt this and when two Sundays jines together. I feels the sufferins of other people more than I feels my own, though no one mayn't suppoge it. The families I've had, said Mrs Gamp, 'if all was knowd and credit done where credit's doo, would take a week to chris'en at Saint Polge's fontin!
'And what can do more, Mrs Gamp? exclaimed the undertaker as he emptied his glass and smacked his lips. 'Nothing in the world, sir. 'Nothing in the world, repeated Mr Mould. 'You are right, Mrs Gamp. Why do people spend more money' here he filled his glass again 'upon a death, Mrs Gamp, than upon a birth? Come, that's in your way; you ought to know. How do you account for that now?
When he was tired of this, he threw himself into a chair, and thoughtfully turned up the sleeve of his right arm, as if he were rather musing about its strength than examining it; but, even then, he kept the hand clenched. He was brooding in this chair, with his eyes cast down upon the ground, when Mrs Gamp came in to tell him that the little room was ready.
The noise you ladies have been making, Mrs Gamp! Why, these two gentlemen have been standing on the stairs, outside the door, nearly all the time, trying to make you hear, while you were pelting away, hammer and tongs! It'll be the death of the little bullfinch in the shop, that draws his own water.
For farther information on this point, he took an opportunity of drawing Mrs Gamp aside, while Betsey Prig was wrapping him in cloaks and shawls, and asked her whether he was quite collected in his mind. 'Oh bless you, no! said Mrs Gamp. 'He hates his nusses to this hour. They always does it, sir. It's a certain sign.
The fire beginning by this time to impart a grateful warmth, Mrs Gamp became silent; gradually rubbed her nose more and more slowly along the top of the fender; and fell into a heavy doze. The sound was so distinct and real, and so full of agonised entreaty, that Mrs Gamp jumped up in terror, and ran to the door.
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