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Updated: September 27, 2025
OUR NEXT DOOR. Probably he's consul somewhere. They mostly are. THE FIRE-TENDER. After all, it's the easiest thing in the world to sit and sneer at eccentricities. But what a dead and uninteresting world it would be if we were all proper, and kept within the lines! Affairs would soon be reduced to mere machinery.
It shows what I have always said, that the service of a noble woman is the most ennobling influence for men. MANDEVILLE. If she is noble, and not a mere manager. I watched this woman to see if she would ever do anything for any one else. She never did. THE FIRE-TENDER. Did you ever see her again? I presume Mandeville has introduced her here for some purpose. MANDEVILLE. No purpose.
THE MISTRESS. I should like to see something the Parson does n't hate to have come. MANDEVILLE. Except his quarter's salary; and the meeting of the American Board. THE FIRE-TENDER. I don't see that we are getting any nearer the solution of the original question. The world is evidently interested in events simply because they are recent.
The Parson says that it is a first-rate subject, if there were any such influence, and asks why he does n't take a shovel and make a path to the gate. Mandeville says that, by George! he himself should like no better fun, but it wouldn't look well for a visitor to do it. The Fire-Tender, not to be disturbed by this sort of chaff, keeps on writing his wife's name.
THE YOUNG LADY. Herbert speaks with the bitterness of a bachelor shut out of paradise. It is my experience that if women did not destroy the rubbish that men bring into the house, it would become uninhabitable, and need to be burned down every five years. THE FIRE-TENDER. I confess women do a great deal for the appearance of things.
THE FIRE-TENDER. The most disagreeable object to me in modern literature is the man the women novelists have introduced as the leading character; the women who come in contact with him seem to be fascinated by his disdainful mien, his giant strength, and his brutal manner.
THE FIRE-TENDER. How do you account for the alleged personal regard for Socrates? THE PARSON. Because the world called Christian is still more than half heathen. MANDEVILLE. He was a plain man; his sympathies were with the people; he had what is roughly known as "horse-sense," and he was homely. Franklin and Abraham Lincoln belong to his class.
THE PARSON. Everything is tolerated now but Christian orthodoxy. THE FIRE-TENDER. It's easy enough to make a brilliant catalogue of external achievements, but I take it that real progress ought to be in man himself. It is not a question of what a man enjoys, but what he can produce. The best sculpture was executed two thousand years ago. The best paintings are several centuries old.
THE MISTRESS. Does n't that depend upon whether the reform is large or petty? THE FIRE-TENDER. I should say rather that the reforms attracted to them all the ridiculous people, who almost always manage to become the most conspicuous. I suppose that nobody dare write out all that was ludicrous in the great abolition movement.
HERBERT. Did you ever get into a diligence with a growling English-man who had n't secured the place he wanted? THE MISTRESS. Did you ever see an English exquisite at the San Carlo, and hear him cry "Bwavo"? MANDEVILLE. At any rate, he acted out his nature, and was n't afraid to. THE FIRE-TENDER. I think Mandeville is right, for once.
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