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Updated: May 6, 2025
You up!" exclaimed Miss Ebag. "And you, sister!" retorted Mrs Ebag. It is impossible to divine what might have occurred for the delectation of the very ancient borough of Oldcastle if that frivolous piece of goods, Edith, had not taken it into her head to run down from London for a few days, on the plea that London was too ridiculously hot.
Mrs Ebag repeated after him, with melting eyes, as if to imply that, instead of being nothing, it was everything; as if to imply that his deed must rank hereafter with the most splendid deeds of antiquity; as if to imply that the whole affair was beyond words to utter or gratitude to repay. And in fact Carl himself was moved.
The essential thing was that he began to be glad that he had decided nothing definite about the widow on the previous evening. "Darling!" said she again, with a new access of passion, kissing Goldie, but darting a glance at Carl. He might have put to her the momentous question, between two bites of buttered toast, had not Mrs Ebag, at the precise instant, swum amply into the room. "Sister!
The secret history of the Ebag marriage is now printed for the first time. The Ebag family, who prefer their name to be accented on the first syllable, once almost ruled Oldcastle, which is a clean and conceited borough, with long historical traditions, on the very edge of the industrial, democratic and unclean Five Towns.
Goldie, all newly combed, and looking as though he had never seen a roof, strolled pompously into the room with tail unfurled. Miss Ebag picked the animal up and kissed it passionately. "Darling!" she murmured, not exactly to Mr Ullman, nor yet exactly to the cat.
And the ladies Ebag then said that he must really come and spend a few days with them and Goldie and papa until he was "suited." He said that he hated to plant himself on people, and yielded to the request. The ladies Ebag fussed around his dark-eyed and tranquil pessimism, and both of them instantly grew younger a curious but authentic phenomenon.
"I fell into the rhododendrons, and Goldie followed me. I'm not hurt, thank goodness! Just my luck!" A bell rang imperiously. It was the paralytic's bell. He had been disturbed by these unaccustomed phenomena. "Sister, do go to father at once," said Mrs Ebag, as they both hastened downstairs in a state of emotion, assuredly unique in their lives.
Intangible gossamer criticism, floating in the air! One evening it was precisely the first of June when a thunderstorm was blowing up from the south-west, and scattering the smoke of the Five Towns to the four corners of the world, and making the weathercock of the house of the Ebags creak, the ladies Ebag and Carl Ullman sat together as usual in the drawing-room.
"The poor animal has got his tail fast in the socket of the weather-vane. He must have been whisking it about up there, and the vane turned and caught it. The vane is jammed." "How dreadful!" said Mrs Ebag. "Whatever can be done?" "He'll be dead before morning," sobbed Miss Ebag. "I shall climb up the roof and release him," said Carl Ullman, gravely. They forbade him to do so.
The Ebag family still lives in the grateful memory of Oldcastle, for no family ever did more to preserve the celebrated Oldcastilian superiority in social, moral and religious matters over the vulgar Five Towns. The episodes leading to the Ebag marriage could only have happened in Oldcastle. By which I mean merely that they could not have happened in any of the Five Towns.
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