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Updated: May 9, 2025
On Saturday the shoes were completed, all except laying the floor and putting on a couple of bay windows for corns and conservatories for bunions, and the judge concluded to wear them on Sunday. He put them on, but got the right one on the left foot, and the left one on the right foot.
New shoes should be properly broken in before beginning a march by wearing them for several hours daily for a week before the march, and they should be adapted to the contours of the feet by stretching them with shoe stretchers with adjustable knobs to take the pressure off painful corns and bunions.
Why, his feet would have been two smokin' sacrifices laid on the altar of corns and bunions. Yes, indeed! But I broke it up. I sez, "Do you lay out and calculate to hobble round in that pair of leather vises and toe-screws," sez I, "when you have got to be on foot from mornin' till night, day after day? Why under the sun don't you wear your good old leather shoes, and feel comfortable?"
He was one of those big, overgrown, solemn snoozers that sit on the platform at lectures and look wise. Before crawling out he had managed to put on his long, frock-tailed coat and his high silk hat. The rest of him was nothing but pajamas and bunions.
"But now you are covered with bunions And spongy and morbid and blue; You bite in the night like an adder O say, what has happened to you?" Then my sullen and sinister tummy Rose slowly and spoke to my brain; "Say, boss, what's the stuff you've been drinking That fills me with nothing but pain? "Today you had 'cocktails' for luncheon They tasted like sulphured cologne.
I had half a crown myself, says Terry, on Zinfandel that Mr Flynn gave me. Lord Howard de Walden's. Twenty to one, says Lenehan. Such is life in an outhouse. Throwaway, says he. Takes the biscuit, and talking about bunions. Frailty, thy name is Sceptre.
Was that endless cribbage nothing, and the weary Bible-lessons on a Sunday, and the constant fetchings and carryings, and the forced smiles, sham congratulations, and other hypocritical affections fearing for his dear aunt's dropsy, and inquiring so much about her bunions was all this dull servitude to meet with no reward? With none? worse than none!
The great middle class of shoppers who come querulous with bunions and babies. The strap-hanging homeward ride. Supper, but usually within range of the range that boils it. The same smells of the same foods. The, cinematograph or front-stoop hour before bed. Or, if Love comes, and he will not be gainsaid, a bit of wooing at the fountain the soda-fountain.
Norman Forbes called it an architectural foot. Bunions and gout combined to give it a gargoyled effect! One night, I forget whether it was in this play or another, Henry, pawing the ground with his foot before an "exit" one of the mannerisms which his imitators delighted to burlesque came down on poor old Mead's foot, bunion gargoyles and all!
"Well," said Kinch, with the air of a person of vast experience in difficult cases, "I should drown the cat I'd do that at once as soon as I got there; then, let me ask you, has Aunt Rachel got corns?" "Corns! I wish you could see her shoes," replied Charlie. "Why you could sail down the river in 'em, they are so large. Yes, she has got corns, bunions, and rheumatism, and everything else."
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