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Updated: June 22, 2025
The kids weep when they're put down for Biffen's. Give a dog a bad name " "But why the bad name?" "Dunno! Perhaps it's Biffen. I think so, anyhow. At any rate, there's not been a fellow from the house in the Lord's eleven or in the footer eleven, and in the schools Biffen's crowd always close the rear. By the way, how did you come among our rout?"
"I say, old man, if we'd only been able to bottle up Jim Cotton along with his chum! What price Biffen's for the Houser, then?" "If" said Wilson, wistfully. "Wouldn't the dervishes walk into Taylor's bowling, if Bully wasn't there to sling them in?"
"Am I not coming out strong?" said Acton, laughing to himself, "when I set the very niggers a-struggling for the greater glory of Biffen's or is it Acton's? Then, there's that exhibition, which we must try to get for this double-superlative house. Raven must beat that Sixth prig Hodgson, the very bright particular star of Corker's. Would two hours' classics, on alternate nights, meet his case?
"My dear fellow, why in the world not? If you don't, some other house will get it. Biffen's deserves two fellows in the eleven this year." "They do, by Jove!" "Then let us have the satisfaction of keeping out another Corker fellow."
"I can't say I actually saw him trip, but there's no doubt whatever that it was an abominable foul." "None at all. I saw him, worse luck, tolerably plainly." "Do you know anything about him?" "Practically nothing." "I think Biffen's rather fancy he's going to lift them out of the mire." "Can't say I envy them their champion."
"You'll pull us up a bit?" said Dick, with genuine admiration. "Thanks. But I meant the whole house generally." "Not much good. We're Biffen's, that never did nor never shall, etc." "I don't know. There's sixty of us, barring your niggers; we ought to get eleven to look at a football with a business eye out of that lot, you know." "We ought to, but don't."
"Rather," said they all. "One more feather in Biffen's cap.". "But, Grimmy," said Rogers, "I don't last, you know." "Ah!" said the chairman, brilliantly, "we'll only have one two-minutes' round each draw. It will go by points. You're safe as a house, my pet, really." "Who'll be judge about points? I propose you, Grim," said Rogers, with intent.
After tea, Cotton and Todd strolled about, and finally came to anchor behind the nets, where some of the Sixth were already at practice. "Phil Bourne's good for a hundred at Lord's," said Jim, critically, watching Phil's clean, crisp cutting with interest. "There's Acton out, too." "Raw," said Jim. "Biffen's beauty has never been taught to hold his bat, that is evident.
After tea the whole of St. Amory's crowded into the Speech Room to hear the result of the Perry Exhibition. There would not be a fellow away, I should fancy, bar the cripples in the hospital, for there was no end of excitement. Was this to be another Biffen's triumph? Was Raven of the Fifth to beat Hodgson, the chosen of the Sixth, for the Perry?
As the leather was skimming past, Acton just reached it with his head and deflected it high and dry out of Roberts' reach into the net. It was the supreme effort of his splendid game. Biffen's had won by three goals to one! They carried Acton off the field in ecstasy, and nearly scared Dame Biffen out of her wits by the "whisper" of "cock-house." Well, it certainly was unusual.
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