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Rented the house by mail, pays his rent by mail. Orders stuff by mail. Mostly not real U-nited States Mail, y'know, because we don't mind dropping off a note to someone in town. I'm the local mailman, too. So when I find a note to Herby Wharton, the fellow that owns the general store, I drop it off. Margie Clark over at the bank says he writes. Gets checks from New York from publishing companies."

You won't catch Ned a-dying easy. No, no. He knows better than that. 'You spoke of him in the past tense, observed Martin, 'so I supposed he was no more. 'He's no more in England, said Bill, 'if that's what you mean. He went to the U-nited States. 'Did he? asked Martin, with sudden interest. 'When? 'Five year ago, or then about, said Bill.

'What do I mean? said Bill. 'Why, THAT. All men are alike in the U-nited States, an't they? It makes no odds whether a man has a thousand pound, or nothing, there. Particular in New York, I'm told, where Ned landed. 'New York, was it? asked Martin, thoughtfully. 'Yes, said Bill. 'New York.

'He had set up in the public line here, and couldn't meet his engagements, so he cut off to Liverpool one day, without saying anything about it, and went and shipped himself for the U-nited States. 'Well? said Martin. 'Well! as he landed there without a penny to bless himself with, of course they wos very glad to see him in the U-nited States. 'What do you mean? asked Martin, with some scorn.

And if there should ever be any trouble here war, riot, or any little unpleasantness just hoist it above your house, and its bright folds will protect you as though the whole U-nited States army lay in a mighty camp around you!"

Fred Riordan he's the sheriff has watched the place for days and days and it's always quiet. No visitors. No nothin'. Know what I think? I think he's experimenting with something to take away the burn scars. That's whut I think. Well, hop in and I'll drive you out there." "Is it going to cost much?" "Nothin' this trip. We'll charge it to the U-nited States Mail. Got a package goin' out.

P'raps there ain't no such location in the territoary of the Great U-nited States. Oh, no! 'I hope you're satisfied with the success of your joke, Mark, said Martin.

M. Garfunkel, Proprietor," he said. "Gents: Owing to the fact that the U-nited States bankruptcy laws don't go nowheres except in the U-nited States, we are obliged to cancel the order what you give us. Thanking you for past favors and hoping to do a strictly-cash business with you in the future, we are truly yours, Potash & Perlmutter." Miss Cohen shut her book and arose.

"For my part, Hymie," he said, "you should have it in a minute. I know it you are good as gold, and if you say that you will pay on the first of the month a U-nited States bond ain't no better." He paused impressively and laid a hand on Hymie's knee. "Only, Hymie," he concluded, "I got it a partner. Ain't it? And you know Mawruss Perlmutter, Hymie.

He made out it was on the business side he was kickin', with the attitude of the U-nited States toward the squabble thrown in as extra.