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Updated: May 23, 2025
The first time I was delighted at his letting me off so easily; but afterwards I would sometimes begin myself begging him to sit down to whist, the part of third person was so insupportable! I was so unpleasantly in Kolosov's and Varia's way, though they did assure each other that there was no need to mind me!...
Persons of experience, I remembered, had told me that marriage for love is a complete absurdity; I began to indulge my fancy; I pictured to myself our peaceful life together in some snug corner of South Russia; an mentally I traced the gradual transition in Varia's heart from gratitude to affection, from affection to love.... I vowed to myself at once to leave Moscow, the university, to forget everything and every one.
"This schooner is chartered to convey " he began, but Eph interposed, politely: "Pardon me, sir, but I am talking with the captain only." Then, turning toward the launch, Ensign Somers called: "Corporal, board with your marines, and wait further orders." Then Eph followed the captain below. "The gentleman who spoke to you," explained Varia's master, "is Dr. Herman Barnard.
He chartered the 'Varia' at New York for a West Indian cruise for himself and his family. Here are my papers, as master. Here is the 'Varia's' license to carry passengers, and here are our clearance papers, from New York to Jamaica." The papers were all in regular order. Eph looked them over, noting that the master's name was Walford.
Meanwhile time went on.... They were happy.... I have no great fondness for describing other people's happiness. But then I began to notice that Varia's childish ecstasy had gradually given way to a more womanly, more restless feeling. I began to surmise that the new song was being sung to the old tune that is, that Kolosov was...little by little...cooling.
'Admitting, he said to me, when, agitated and exhausted, I flung myself into an armchair, 'that you, as my friend, may be allowed to criticise me. But hear my defence, at least, though... Here he paused for a little while and smiled curiously. 'Varia's an excellent girl, he went on, 'and has done me no wrong whatever.... On the contrary, I am greatly, very greatly indebted to her.
'I thought him so kind ... and here ... Varia wiped her eyes, cleared her throat, and sat up. 'It seems such a little while ago, she went on: 'he was reading to me out of Pushkin, sitting with me on this bench.... Varia's naive communicativeness touched me.
Varia's eyes were all ablaze with anger; but the scene had a different effect on Nina Alexandrovna. She paled and trembled, and looked more and more like fainting every moment. "Very well then, a HUNDRED thousand! a hundred thousand! paid this very day. Ptitsin! find it for me. A good share shall stick to your fingers come!"
I was conscious that I was not capable of filling Kolosov's place; I was conscious that Varia's past was so full, so rich ... and her present so poor.... I got to the point of an involuntary shudder at the words 'Do you remember' ... with which almost every sentence of hers began.
I began, for whole days together, to dream of marriage.... I imagined what gratitude would fill Varia's heart when I, the friend and confidant of Kolosov, should offer her my hand, knowing her to be hopelessly in love with another.
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