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Updated: May 6, 2025
'Don't talk to me of Boots, sir! retorted Spottletoe, with immense indignation. 'He is bound to come here in his slippers then; he is bound to come here barefoot. Don't offer such a wretched and evasive plea to me on behalf of your friend, as Boots, sir. 'He is not MY friend, said the nephew. 'I never saw him. 'Very well, sir, returned the fiery Spottletoe. 'Then don't talk to me!
Then there was Mrs Spottletoe, who being much too slim for her years, and of a poetical constitution, was accustomed to inform her more intimate friends that the said whiskers were 'the lodestar of her existence; and who could now, by reason of her strong affection for her uncle Chuzzlewit, and the shock it gave her to be suspected of testamentary designs upon him, do nothing but cry except moan.
'Why, then, I venture to assert, cried Mr Spottletoe, 'that the man who aspires to join this family, and "prefers not" to be introduced to its members, is an impertinent Puppy. That is my opinion of HIM! The strong-minded woman remarked with great suavity, that she was afraid he must be. Her three daughters observed aloud that it was 'Shameful!
The strong-minded woman with an air of great interest in Mrs Spottletoe's health, regretted that she was not more easily seen. Nature erring, in that lady's case, upon the slim side. 'Mrs Spottletoe is at least more easily seen than the bridegroom, ma'am, returned that lady's husband.
Who do you imagine has it in contemplation to confer a distinction upon YOU, sir? A general murmur echoed this inquiry, and applauded it. 'If you are about to pursue the course with which you have begun, sir, pursued Mr Spottletoe in a great heat, and giving a violent rap on the table with his knuckles, 'the sooner you desist, and this assembly separates, the better.
'Give you joy! Under the impression that Jinkins was the happy man. Mr Jinkins explained. He was merely doing the honours for his friend Moddle, who had ceased to reside in the house, and had not yet arrived. 'Not arrived, sir! exclaimed Spottletoe, in a great heat. 'Not yet, said Mr Jinkins. 'Upon my soul! cried Spottletoe. 'He begins well! Upon my life and honour this young man begins well!
'You do not know Augustus, said Miss Pecksniff, tearfully, 'indeed you do not know him. Augustus is all mildness and humility. Wait till you see Augustus, and I am sure he will conciliate your affections. 'The question arises, said Spottletoe, folding his arms: 'How long we are to wait. I am not accustomed to wait; that's the fact. And I want to know how long we are expected to wait.
We are grateful to you with our whole hearts. It is a blessed distinction that you have conferred upon us, and believe me' it is impossible to conceive how he smiled here 'we shall not easily forget it. 'I am sorry to interrupt you, Pecksniff, remarked Mr Spottletoe, with his whiskers in a very portentous state; 'but you are assuming too much to yourself, sir.
For some few minutes he had no companion but the breakfast, which was set forth in the drawing-room, with unusual taste and ceremony. But Mrs Todgers soon joined him; and the bachelor cousin, the hairy young gentleman, and Mr and Mrs Spottletoe, arrived in quick succession. Mr Spottletoe honoured Jinkins with an encouraging bow. 'Glad to know you, sir, he said.
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