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Updated: June 24, 2025
'I might ha' knowa'd, said John, 'that nobody but thou would ha' coom wi' sike a knock as you. Thot was the wa' thou knocked at schoolmeasther's door, eh? Ha, ha, ha! But I say; wa'at be a' this aboot schoolmeasther? 'You know it then? said Nicholas. 'They were talking aboot it, doon toon, last neeght, replied John, 'but neane on 'em seemed quite to un'erstan' it, loike.
To see old schoolmeasther wi'out his hat, skimming along oop to his knees in mud and wather, tumbling over fences, and rowling into ditches, and bawling oot like mad, wi' his one eye looking sharp out for the lad, and his coat-tails flying out behind, and him spattered wi' mud all ower, face and all! I tho't I should ha' dropped doon, and killed myself wi' laughing.
'Tell'ee wa'at though, said John seriously, when a great deal had been said on both sides, 'to return to schoolmeasther. If this news aboot 'un has reached school today, the old 'ooman wean't have a whole boan in her boddy, nor Fanny neither. 'Oh, John! cried Mrs Browdie. 'Ah! and Oh, John agean, replied the Yorkshireman. 'I dinnot know what they lads mightn't do.
'And I stond threat for a soight o' Lunnun, schoolmeasther, said John, vigorously attacking the pie. 'One of them things that young men do when they get married, returned Squeers; 'and as runs through with their money like nothing at all! How much better wouldn't it be now, to save it up for the eddication of any little boys, for instance!
"Yes," thinks I, "you may do thot agean, and not wakken anybody, sir." "Hallo, there," he says, and then he stops. "Thou'd betther not aggravate me," says schoolmeasther, efther a little time. "I'll brak' every boan in your boddy, Smike," he says, efther another little time. Then all of a soodden, he sings oot for a loight, and when it cooms ecod, such a hoorly-boorly!
"beat the ruffian till he roared for mercy." After that climax has been attained, two other particulars are alone worthy of being recalled to recollection in regard to this Reading. First, the indescribable heartiness of John Browdie's cordial shake-of-the-hand with Nicholas Nickleby on their encountering each other by accident upon the high road. "Shake honds? Ho! ho! ho! Beatten schoolmeasther!
John laughed so heartily at the mere recollection, that he communicated the contagion to both his hearers, and all three burst into peals of laughter, which were renewed again and again, until they could laugh no longer. 'He's a bad 'un, said John, wiping his eyes; 'a very bad 'un, is schoolmeasther. 'I can't bear the sight of him, John, said his wife.
'What! cried John Browdie, with such an ecstatic shout, that the horse quite shied at it. 'Beatten the schoolmeasther! Ho! ho! ho! Beatten the schoolmeasther! who ever heard o' the loike o' that noo! Giv' us thee hond agean, yoongster. Beatten the schoolmeasther! Dang it, I loov' thee for't.
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