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In hit, ye see, ae thing taks till anither for a whilie, and hauds gey and sicker till 't, till anither comes 'at it likes better, whaurupon there's a proceedin' i' the Chancery o' Natur only it disna aye haud lang, and there's nae lawyers' fees and the tane's straughtways divorced frae the tither."
The Cap'n bought this no'count farm an' had this house built on it a proceedin' that, ef I do say it, struck ev'rybody as cur'ous." "It was curious," agreed Mr. Merrick. "But the cur'ous'est thing was thet he didn't make no 'tempt at farmin'. Folks said he had money to burn, fer he loaded it into this fool house an' then sot down an' smoked all day an' looked glum.
If I meets a gent evolvin' outcries of glee, an' walkin' on both sides of the street, an' most likely emptyin' a Colt's pistol at the firmament, an' all without obv'ous cause, I dedooces the presence in that gent's interior of a lib'ral freight of nose-paint. If, as I'm proceedin' about my destinies, I hears the voice of a gun, I argues the existence of a weepon in my vicinity.
Gin'ral Merceer will raysume his tistimony. He was speakin' of th' game iv goluf. "'Perhaps I'd betther sing it, says th' gin'ral. "'I'll play an accompanymint f'r ye on th' flute, says th' prisident iv th' coort. 'While Gin'ral Merceer is proceedin' with his remarks, call Colonel Pat th' Clam, who is sick an' can't come.
Oh! he'd kick over the table in a second if he even smells the play. "Now yere's where Providence makes its deboo. It happens while these charities is proceedin', a avaricious gent a stranger within our gates, he is after regyardin' the game awhile, takes to deemin' it easy.
Out of the tail of my eye I could see that J. Bayard was speechless with indignation. But what could I do? The only way of stoppin' Hunk was to choke him, which wa'n't any pink tea proceedin'. Besides, Cuyler seems to be mildly entertained at it all. "A fascinating picture, truly!" says he.
I like to dwell among friends, Johnnie. Lately they been makin' a sight of trouble for me. Seems like I ought to sort of return the favor. 'Tain't jest spite, Johnnie. Spite's a luxury I can't afford if there hain't a money profit in it. Seems like there might be a dollar or two in this here proceedin' if handled jest right."
This they faithfully promised not to do, and departed; notwithstanding Jerry pronounced it as downright foolish a proceedin' as he ever seed. Four or five hours later, when we reached our camping ground for the night, neither of them had overtaken us, and I began to feel alarmed at their prolonged absence.
I thocht on gaun roun to a' the acquaintances on whom I had just been ca'in, an' explainin to them the real state o' the case; an' then followin up this proceedin wi' ca'in on the editors o' the twa papers in which the injurious statements had appeared, an' requestin, nay, insistin, on their puttin in a true version o' the story, at the same time carefully markin my identity, an' separatin me frae a' discreditable transactions, of every kind, degree, an' character whatsoever.
"All of which circumlocutin' brings us to the main point which is that she wouldn't stand for no such proceedin'. As far as I can see that settles the case. The pros an' cons that you an' me could set here an' chew about, bein' merely incidental, irreverent, an' by way of passin' the time." Endicott laughed: "You are a philosopher, Tex." "A cow-hand has got to be."
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