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Updated: May 18, 2025
"Hold on a minute, conductor," said Colonel Manysnifters, as they were rushing the captive through. "What have you here? Where did you get him? Who are you, sir?" asked he of the tramp. "Who are you, I say, and what are you doing on this strictly private outfit?"
Fortunately, I still had my luck-piece an ancient Roman coin with me. "'Now, thought I, 'let the antique beer check decide it. I will cinch this question by tossing up. If it falls heads, I am Manysnifters, and if the reverse appears, I am the Professor. I will abide by the decree of Fate. "Up went the Denarius, striking the asphalt with a merry ring in its fall.
"That New York is a fearful and wonderful place," said Colonel Manysnifters gravely. "I will never forget the first time I went there as a young man. Why, I didn't get any sleep at all! The first night I was there I turned in about two-thirty, took off my clothes, and got in bed; but it seemed sort of foolish and wasteful. Sleep in New York? Well, hardly.
I bent eagerly over it, and lo, the image and superscription of Caesar stared me in the face! "So I was Manysnifters after all, and this fact was further impressed upon me an hour or so later by an enterprising office-seeker, to whom, in my enfeebled state, I fell an easy prey I endorsed his application for the Nova Zembla consulship."
Its like will never occur again in my State; not in my district, anyhow. A recent Republican gerrymander will prevent that. Andrew Sale says he did it. Maybe he did; I don't know." "It was Fate f-a-t-e Fate!" said Colonel Manysnifters, solemnly. "There's no avoiding it. My sainted parents, both good Presbyterians in their day, would doubtless have urged predestination. That may be it.
Perhaps some of these days I may be able to repay you with something more substantial." The brakeman laughed, and by this time we were all in a melting mood. Senator Bull reached instinctively into his trousers pocket, and Mr. Ridley did the same. "Just a moment, gentlemen, just a moment," said Colonel Manysnifters.
I ain't yoh aunt, and I ain't yoh uncle; I'se yoh ekal! Now wouldn't that jar you? That's the way the niggers feel about it in Washington." "Forget it, Manysnifters," urged Senator Bull, "forget it. Give the colored brother a show. He will work out his own salvation." "At the end of a rope," growled the Colonel. "Be charitable, sir, be charitable," said Senator Pennypacker ponderously.
In our party were Senators Baker, of Kentucky; Bull, of Montana; Wendell, of Massachusetts; Hammond, of Michigan; Pennypacker, of West Virginia; and Congressmen Holloway, of Illinois; Manysnifters, of Georgia; Van Rensselaer, of New York; a majority of the Kentucky delegation, Mr. Ridley, Senator Bull's private secretary, and several newspaper men. Senator Bull is seventy, tall and massive.
Through it all the battle raging around me, and the House swept as by a great storm. Through it all, yea, even unto the adjournment!" "A very pretty tale, and one to be remembered," observed Colonel Manysnifters thoughtfully. "I never had an adventure like that, because I am awfully careful about what I eat and drink, and I roost at chicken-time.
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