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Updated: May 25, 2025
I don’t want her sacrifice; they’ll put me to shame at the trial. I wonder how I can stand it. Go to her, Alyosha, ask her not to speak of that in the court, can’t you? But damn it all, it doesn’t matter! I shall get through somehow. I don’t pity her. It’s her own doing. She deserves what she gets. I shall have my own story to tell, Alexey.” He smiled bitterly again. “Only ... only Grusha, Grusha!
“Oh, yes, yes, it must be!” said Mitya, pressing her in his arms. “I’ll take you and we’ll fly away.... Oh, I’d give my whole life for one year only to know about that blood!” “What blood?” asked Grushenka, bewildered. “Nothing,” muttered Mitya, through his teeth. “Grusha, you wanted to be honest, but I’m a thief. But I’ve stolen money from Katya.... Disgrace, a disgrace!”
I won’t tell you the details: it’s all been thought out: it can all be arranged. Hush, don’t decide. I should go to America with Grusha. You know I can’t live without Grusha! What if they won’t let her follow me to Siberia? Do they let convicts get married? Ivan thinks not. And without Grusha what should I do there underground with a hammer? I should only smash my skull with the hammer!
“Alyosha, put me out of my misery at once!” he exclaimed suddenly. “Tell me, is she coming now, or not? Tell me? What did she say? How did she say it?” “She said she would come, but I don’t know whether she will come to-day. It’s hard for her, you know,” Alyosha looked timidly at his brother. “I should think it is hard for her! Alyosha, it will drive me out of my mind. Grusha keeps looking at me.
Farewell; you are guiltless, though you’ve been your own undoing.” Her lips quivered, tears flowed from her eyes. “Forgive me, Grusha, for my love, for ruining you, too, with my love.” Mitya would have said something more, but he broke off and went out. He was at once surrounded by men who kept a constant watch on him.
But she is convinced that he will die. She has a great deal of sorrow to bear...” A silence followed. A grave anxiety was fretting Mitya. “Alyosha, I love Grusha terribly,” he said suddenly in a shaking voice, full of tears. “They won’t let her go out there to you,” Alyosha put in at once.
He doesn’t believe in the hymn. Don’t speak, don’t speak. I see how you look! You have already decided. Don’t decide, spare me! I can’t live without Grusha. Wait till after the trial!” Mitya ended beside himself. He held Alyosha with both hands on his shoulders, and his yearning, feverish eyes were fixed on his brother’s.
So to the country of the Last of the Mohicans, and there we’ll tackle the grammar at once, Grusha and I. Work and grammar—that’s how we’ll spend three years. And by that time we shall speak English like any Englishman. And as soon as we’ve learnt it—good-by to America! We’ll run here to Russia as American citizens. Don’t be uneasy—we would not come to this little town.
If I run away, even with money and a passport, and even to America, I should be cheered up by the thought that I am not running away for pleasure, not for happiness, but to another exile as bad, perhaps, as Siberia. It is as bad, Alyosha, it is! I hate that America, damn it, already. Even though Grusha will be with me. Just look at her; is she an American?
“This was what she said among other things; that I must be sure to set your conscience at rest about escaping. If Ivan is not well by then she will see to it all herself.” “You’ve spoken of that already,” Mitya observed musingly. “And you have repeated it to Grusha,” observed Alyosha.
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