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Updated: June 18, 2025
And a very small fraction of one second later things began to happen. Each of Hawkins' inventions possesses a latent devil. You have only to brush against the handle or the valve or the string, or whatever it may be that connects him with the outer world, and the demon awakes. In this case, the cook must have pinched the tail of the devil of the Gasowashine, for he sprang into action with a rush.
Then the bits of china and some two or three gallons of greasy water descended upon the Frenchman and the door flipped to once more. The Gasowashine had dislodged the cook and was free to pursue its wanderings unhindered. And certainly it made the most of the opportunity.
"Right here in this hotel right under our feet," said Hawkins, proudly. "That noise comes from the Hawkins Gasowashine!" I think I stared open-mouthed at Hawkins for a moment or two; I know that I leaned back and shook with as violent mirth as might be permitted in so solemnly proper a resort. "Well, does that impress you as particularly humorous?" demanded Hawkins, angrily.
It bowled the first man over so neatly that he fell squarely beneath one of his fellows, who was descending loaded with dishes. It rolled one of its wheels across the toes of the next antagonist, and drew from him a shriek which sent people in the dining-room to their feet. After that coup, the Gasowashine had things all its own way on the incline. The French cook still maintained his hold.
And Hawkins standing majestically in the wreck of a table, with one foot in a salad bowl and the other oozing nesselrode pudding, while an unbroken stream of mayonnaise dressing meandered down the back of his coat Hawkins, standing thus, shook his fist at the big man and, above the turmoil, shouted at him: "I told you so!" Such was the fate of the first, last, and only Gasowashine.
Two or three waiters, having in mind that their jobs depended upon Macdougal's approbation rather than Hawkins' strove to obey the former's injunction. They ran to the fore end of the Gasowashine and seized it and pushed back upon it and sideways. And did the Gasowashine mind? Hardly.
The Gasowashine approached the side of the apartment, swerved easily to the left, and made for the incline which led to the hotel dining-room. "Good gracious!" screamed the manager. "Not up there! Knock that thing over on its side, Henri!" "Don't you do it, Henri," cried Hawkins. "If you do it'll smash." "Let it smash!" roared the manager. "Throw it over, Henri!"
The Frenchman, with remarkable presence of mind, was behind the machine and dragging back with all his might; but as well could he have hauled to a standstill the locomotive of the Empire State Express. The Gasowashine, puffing heavily as any racing auto, had plans of its own and was executing them to the accompaniment of a simply appalling rattle of crockery. "Don't let go!
Hawkins pranced alongside and fumbled feverishly, first with that knob, then with this little wheel. Several of them he managed to move, but to no good end. Whether excitement had confused Hawkins' mind on the details of his invention I cannot say; but certainly, far from controlling the Gasowashine, he made matters worse.
"Hawkins," I said, "why don't you start in and write nonsense verse? There's a fortune waiting for you." "I must say, Griggs," rejoined the inventor, sourly, "that you have very little comprehension of the advertising value of a good name. Who under the sun would ever remember the 'Hawkins Gasolene Washing Machine, if they saw it in a magazine? But 'The Gasowashine'!"
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