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Lest you should take umbrage at my frankness, which ought to assure you of my interest in your happiness and improvement, permit me to remind you of the oriental definition of a faithful friend, that has more pith than verbal polish, "The true friend is not he who holds up Flattery's mirror, In which the face to thy conceit most pleasing hovers; But he who kindly shows thee all thy vices, sirrah!
Oh, bedad, now we know what his Reverence was at when he talked about the 'Sizes, bad luck to them! Betune her an' the ould woman, Phelim 'ud be in Paradise! Foodie Flattery's daughter! Begad, she'll 'bring him property' sure enough, as his Reverence says."
Poodle Flattery, whose character was so well known, appeared so proper a father-in-law for Phelim, that his selection in this instance delighted them highly. "Betther an' betther, Phelim! More power to you! You're fixed at last. Poodle Flattery's daughter a known thief! Well, what harm? Phelim himself has pitch on his fingers or had, anyhow, when he was growin' up for many a thing stuck to them.
Into Flattery's house did Phelim saunter with something like an inclination to lay the events of the day before him, and to ask his advice upon his future prospects. On entering the cabin he was much surprised to find the daughter in a very melancholy mood; a circumstance which puzzled him not a little, as he knew that they lived very harmoniously together.
Lovest thou music? hast loved? or been beloved? or both perchance? Steal forth when night holds her starry court, and the guitars around are tinkling, as more than one rich voice deplores his mistress's cruelty, in hopes she may now relent. But see! there is one, who puts in requisition neither music's spell, nor flattery's lay. See! he approaches.
Being a remarkably stout woman for her years, she put forth her strength to such purpose that few of them went to bed without sore bones. The priest was seriously annoyed at it, for he found that his house was a scene of battle during the remainder of the day. Sally Flattery's uncle, in the absence of her father, indignantly espoused the cause of his niece.
Envy's censure, Flattery's praise, With unmoved indifference view; Learn to tread life's dangerous maze, With unerring Virtue's clue. Void of strong desire and fear, Life's void ocean trust no more; Strive thy little bark to steer With the tide, but near the shore. Thus prepared, thy shortened sail Shall, whene'er the winds increase, Seizing each propitious gale, Waft thee to the Port of Peace.
He also thought that his being called with her, on the Sunday following, would neutralize his call with the housekeeper; just as positive and negative quantities in algebra cancel each other. But he was quite ignorant that the story of Flattery's imprisonment was merely a plan of the daughter's to induce him to marry her.
Impressed with this view of the matter, he sauntered about as usual; saw Foodie Flattery's daughter, and understood that her uncle had gone to the priest, to have his niece and worthy Phelim called the next day. But besides this hypothesis, Phelim had another, which, after all, was the real one. He hoped that the three applications would prevent the priest from calling him at all.
'Tis an old maxim in the schools, That flattery's the food of fools. Swift. If American children and American girls were the angels which their mothers and their lovers tell them that they are, the best possible riding master for them would be an American soldier who had learned and taught riding at West Point.
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